What should you contract?

There's power in setting boundaries.

There's a need for every relationship to have an agreed contract - even; in fact especially when working with friends.

And knowledge is power. Insight and due diligence are the cornerstones of making good decisions and the right choice.

These are all lessons I teach as part of my training programmes and all practicalities I know. All of which were ignored in a informal relationship and man o man have they come back to bite us good and proper.

Today I bring you a personal lesson in how not to do things.

I've been with the current (and final) husband for seven years. About four years ago he moved from France (living the dream skiing and being a musician) to move to Salford to live with me and my two not so smalls.

He left a flat in France with views of Mont Blanc to move into a house with views of Monton Carlo. Cilla Black could not have scripted our love story. Three years ago we got married and then we (randomly) decided to pool our assets and buy a house together (mainly somewhere bigger where I couldn't hear my children shouting or the husband playing the electric guitar).

My house sold within actual minutes - who knew Monton Carlo was in such demand. The flat in Chamonix with a stream running at the bottom of the garden and views of snow capped mountains not so fast....

This time last year we moved into our new home together, stupidly assuming that the flat would sell - because it's Chamonix.

Well, dear reader, how wrong were we. So when a friend of a friend contacted the husband looking for a place to stay we figured it would be a good short term solution. Friend of a friend (FOAF) would pay a minimal rent and would keep the flat ready for potential purchasers to visit - or so we thought (first massive assumption).

Weeks turned into months, wars arrived and the cost of living crunched so we hightailed it to France to find out why the f*ck the place wasn't selling.

Luckily my pigeon French was not required because it turns out that "Ou est La Gare? or Ou est La Bibliotheque?" are phrases you really don't need in conversational French but luckily the husband is fluent in the language. I did however understand the common sentiment of all the estate agents, FOAF is a dirty, mucky creature and he was mainly putting off buyers.

We had thought that given he knew that we were selling, and he was getting a really good deal on a nominal rent he would respect our need to sell. (second massive assumption). At this point we decided to give FOAF notice to vacate the flat so we could sell the place empty and so we mooched on over to the flat my husband owns to tell FOAF that it was time for him to vacate the building.

Dear reader, how kind and fair we were. We didn't tell him what a dirty sloth he is, we simply told him the time had come for him to move on and we were giving him notice which we later confirmed in writing.

And herein lies one of the biggest lessons - don't assume anything and certainly don't assume people will behave how you would behave.

When we told FOAF that he needed to leave he told us it would be really difficult for him to find anywhere as cheap as he was paying (turns out he was paying a third of the market rate) so we told him he could have six weeks from that date to find somewhere.

This was October. Winter season in Chamonix officially starts on the 1st November.

We told him he could have until the 20th November. So along came the 20th November - his leaving date and NOTHING happened.

FOAF now has a new nickname - it's also four letters long - as not only has he refused to move out, it turns out that he has researched all of the french law which in France basically says the tenant is god. It is also possible that this was his knowledge and plan all along and he had done his homework on how to 'legally' squat in a place he doesn't own. This man is also working and enjoys posting pics of him paraponting off a mountain - not a cheap hobby.

Now bear in mind that FOAF was given a place to stay as a favour while we sold the place, he was apparently a friend of a friend...(turns out he is no longer the friend of that friend as he didn't pay money he was owed - due diligence tapping us on the shoulder right there).

We then got a text telling us he wasn't moving out, he couldn't find anywhere as cheap as the lovely one bedroom flat he's been living in with views of Mont Blanc. He then tells us that as he has stayed there over a year, he now has tenancy rights, and here's the really fun part - we can't throw him out because in the valley in France, in winter months you're not allowed to throw anyone out (when we gave him notice it was not winter period, when he told us he wasn't leaving it was). Even if they're not paying the rent. And even though we have in writing we are selling the place, even though it is in writing that it is a short-term solution, he now has more rights than my husband who owns the flat.

Reader, he has, of course, not paid a penny since he decided he wasn't leaving the place he doesn't own. Turns out he has us over a barrel, he is a pretty hideous human and thinks he simply has the right to stay in someone else's property.

Also turns out that many purchasers won't buy a flat with a tenant in it because it notoriously difficult to remove them. (All this for saying someone could have a place to stay for a bit).

So let me get to the lesson of the week - the purpose and power of a contract. Whether you are doing a favour for a friend of a friend, whether you trust that person with the life of your children, whether you think you are doing the right thing; being very clear from the outset where the boundaries are and what rules are in play is absolutely critical.

Contracting is something we do day in day out. We contract with ourselves, with others, we have verbal contracts, there's the whole unwritten rules and then there's the written down in blood stuff.

The minute you engage in a relationship with someone, with anyone you start to contract, you start to unconsciously look at how that person does things, how they react and probably unconsciously you contract with yourself on what is acceptable in those relationships.

There is positive power in contracting every relationship you have. And when there is money, time, services in play, there is a need to have a written contract for every single item. It simply takes away the ifs, buts and maybes.

You owe it to yourself whether you are employing people, contracting with clients, whether you are looking to contract in a new job to do your homework, to not make assumptions of what you think you know and what you believe might happen; you owe it to yourself to do due diligence, to gather insights and to deal only with what you know as fact.

Getting a contract in place isn't about mistrust, it's about protecting your boundaries, being clear of the expectations and ensuring that everyone involved in that contract understands their role and responsibilities.

So whoever you are building a relationship with, in whatever context look at the contract you are making, understand what your assumptions are and know what you are basing your assumptions on. Ask yourself: are you basing your assumptions on what you know as fact or what you think you know?

And then be really clear about what is involved. That way you also set acceptable boundaries of behaviour for yourself and others. You establish an appropriate code of conduct.

Oh and never ever rent a property out in France. I'm off to fail forwards into a bottle of Spanish red.