What Should We Be Discussing Today?

Excerpted with the permission of the authors from Chapter 33 Power Questions:

When someone’s leg and knee begin bouncing up and down, the eyes wander, and the person has no questions—it’s time to do something. You’re in trouble.

I’m meeting with Kathleen, the co-chair of a large professional services firm. Our session was set up weeks earlier. The agenda is to review progress on a project I am doing for her company. I had prepared carefully, and had brought Kathleen a crisp briefing document. It summarizes our progress. It is clear and succinct. The paper is a heavy, impressive stock.

About 20 minutes into the discussion, I realize I have lost Kathleen. She just isn’t there. She’s fidgeting. She isn’t asking good follow-up questions. It gets worse. She is starting to eye her BlackBerry.

You know that look. You dread it. The other person tries to show they are listening to you as they glance furtively down at their lap, where their smartphone is cradled. Kathleen’s mind is somewhere else.

I pause, and let about five seconds pass—an eternity when you’re sitting with a busy executive.

“Kathleen,” I ask, “What’s the most important thing we should be discussing this morning?”

She sits upright, suddenly more alert.

I wait.

“Hmmm. Well,” she slowly begins, “this is helpful, getting your update. I value this summary and the suggestions you’re making. It’s very well done.”

“Good, thank you. But we’ve got another 30 minutes scheduled together. What should we focus on?”

My client looks up at me, frowning and shaking her head. She sighs. “I just don’t think my team is on board. They aren’t getting it.”

“Say more about that. When you tell me, ‘they are not on board,’ what symptoms are you seeing? What’s not working?”

We shift gears. The next half hour we spend talking about the issues with her team. I ask several more power questions, and Kathleen reveals still more about the situation. I suggest some preliminary ideas to get her team better aligned with the strategy. We leave the rest of the project update for another occasion.

The tidy briefing package I prepared barely saw the light of day. It probably got what it deserved.

As I get up to leave, Kathleen asks me, “Can we regroup next week on this? You are asking some very good questions, and your suggestions are excellent. I want to chew this over a bit more with you.”

Fast-forward. Based on the germ of our conversation six months ago, Kathleen is making some far-reaching changes to her top team. She also engages me to work with them one-on-one to improve their effectiveness.

When I asked, “What is the most important thing we should be discussing today?” this simple, direct question helped set Kathleen on a path to improve her organization. It also deepened my relationship with her and her senior team.

When time is spent together on issues that are truly important to both parties, the relationship deepens and grows. There is increased emotional resonance. You become more relevant to each other. Bonded.

A CEO I consulted with several years ago told me something I have never forgotten. It is the key to being relevant.

“Remember,” he said, “When you’re considered part of a client’s growth and profits, they will never get enough of you. But when you’re viewed as just a cost to be managed, they can cut you anytime.”

You must connect with the other person’s agenda of essential priorities and goals. Then you will be seen as part of growth and profits. As an investment, not a cost.

When the other person is distracted or disengaged, or when you just feel you are not talking about their highest priority issues, you must ask:

“What’s the most important thing we should be discussing today?”

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Authors of Power Questions: Jerold Panas & Andrew Sobel – Jerold Panas  is the world’s leading consultant in philanthropy and the CEO of Jerold Panas, Linzy & Partners, the largest consulting firm in the world for advising nonprofit organizations on fundraising. He can be reached at Jerold Panas. Andrew Sobel is the leading authority on building long-term client and other professional relationships. He can be reached at Andrew Sobel