What a 'Should Storm'

How did it take me this long to realize that my life has been filled with "shoulds?"

Have you ever noticed something and then found you can't un-see it?

This realization struck me when I began reflecting on all the 'shoulds' imposed on me in recent years. And being a good follower of my own self-imposed should, "You should reflect on your entire life and note all the 'shoulds' and 'should nots" you can recall."

Really? Should I?

Holy should storm.

So what is the should storm?

Imagine you're in the middle of giving a killer presentation, nailing every point, and impressing everyone in the room. Then, as soon as you conclude, someone says, "You should have been more concise." Or picture this: you've just received a well-deserved promotion or secured a new contract, and instead of celebrating, you're told, "You should start planning for the next step now."

It's like finishing an intense workout, feeling strong and accomplished, and then hearing, "Women your age should focus more on strength training to lose weight." In case you forgot, “You should always be trying to lose weight.”

Maybe you've barely managed to get your child off to school, to a doctor's appointment, or name anything you do as a non-paid chauffeur, and someone chimes in, "You should be making more time for yourself."

Flip around any one of these I've mentioned, and it goes something like this:

• Career Expectations: When you aspire for more, "You should just be grateful for what you have."
• Family Roles: When you finally take time for yourself, "You should prioritize your family."
• Personal Appearance: When you make time to move your body or eat healthily, "You should take a day off; you should treat yourself once in a while.”

After I reflected on all of these shoulds and more, I felt as though I had two options in front of me, both of which started with me curling up in the corner, lying next to my metaphorical mangled umbrella: One, continue to replay and then regret all of the shoulds I've fell victim to over the years, or two, recognize that the shoulds happened (and will continue to happen) and devise a navigation tool to use the next time the storm starts to circle.

So, how do we navigate the should storm and find our path?

1. Recognize the Shoulds (and Should-Nots): The first step is awareness. Identify when you're being hit with a should (and should not). Is it society, a person in your life, or maybe even yourself?
2. Question the Shoulds (and Should-Nots): Ask yourself, why does this should (or should not) exist? Does it align with your values and goals? Is it based on some outdated norm or someone else's expectation? Does it reflect what you want?
3. Reframe Your Thinking: Replace shoulds (or should not) with empowering statements. Instead of saying, "I should be more social," try "I choose to spend my time in ways that make me happy." Instead of saying, “I should not wear that type of clothing,” try “I wear what makes me feel incredible.”
4. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who respect your choices and help you navigate the should storm. Find groups, both online and in-person, that uplift and empower you.

The should storm is real and relentless, but we don't have to let it control our lives. By recognizing and challenging these unrealistic expectations, we can reclaim our autonomy and live in a way that truly reflects our values and desires.

Reflecting on all these shoulds I've shared with you (and many more not mentioned), I realized something important: The only "should" that matters is the one we decide for ourselves. With intentional yet straightforward navigation, you can chart your course without the constraints of others' expectations.

Maybe the only should we need is, "You should live on your own terms."

Join Us for a Free Webinar: Navigating the Should Storm

This month, we're excited to open our Inner Loop membership-only community live virtual webinar to the public. Don't miss out—register now and join us on August 21st from 11-12 pm MST/1-2 pm EST for an empowering session on Navigating the Should Storm.