What should I write about?

This has nothing to do with writing—writing tips that is—except that I am writing about it. Thinking, observing, listening, speaking and writing are all connected. Thinking about everything that you’ve observed and imbibed through speaking and listening provides the raw material for all literary genres. That is, it gives us more raw materials to keep the wheels of the creative process spinning.

Don’t nurture grudges.

This is what I have been thinking about after observing a painful interaction—painful for me to watch and painful for the participants in the interaction as their body language clearly indicated. One person thought she deserved an apology, the other person thought there was no need for an apology because she’d not taken an action with bad intentions in mind.

An impasse, one filled with simmering resentment. What next? An observer stepped in and calmly and rationally pointed them to a middle ground, which on the surface they were willing to accept, tamping down their resentment, keeping it festering, to be resurrected at an opportune moment.

What does nurturing grudges do to one’s physical, emotional and mental state? Nothing good.

When you nurture grudges, your face bears the “scars”. Twisted, resentful, suspicious. Off putting to friends and foes. It takes effort to nurture a grudge. You constantly have to find fuel to keep it burning. And this fuel is the constantly dredged up negatives of the object/s of your grudge which further disfigure your face and your mind.

But you don’t care, you say. You have a right to your feelings and nurturing your grudge is warranted because your foes offended you and they shouldn’t offend you. But do you offend others? And if you do, how do you justify it? Is it that they deserve your resentment? Do you deserve theirs? How do you justify nurturing your grudges?

There is always a reason for your actions, even if you don’t think about it in the moment. You have rules by which you govern your lives. These rules might have their origins in your personal philosophy about how you want to live your life. You set boundaries for your interactions with others, which is not a bad thing. But others might not be aware of your boundaries, so why not say what’s on your mind to your friends? Tell them what behaviours you expect from them.

Sometimes, you say that people have sense; they should be perceptive with highly developed emotional intelligence and should be able to perceive attitudes without being told. Bad news! Not everyone, no matter how intelligent and educated they are, has highly developed emotional intelligence. So be prepared to talk with the people around you because they might lack the intelligence to pick up on your cues.

So, don't ask: Why can’t they be exactly like me? Why can’t they want exactly what I want? Why can’t they do exactly what I tell them to do? Think about it. Is this really what you want, having a clone of yourself to make you fulfilled? What’s the fun in that? Life is complex. People are complex. You are complex. Accept that complexity and wade through it. It keeps you honest.

While talking about what bothers you is a good start to reclaiming your mental and physical health, writing about it is also health maintaining. If you analyze what you put on paper or a screen, you get a chance to understand human nature, that is, your nature and that of others. Hopefully you’ll understand that everyone is different; everyone is not like you; this difference makes life interesting. But this difference should teach you that compromising is important. You compromise by trying to understand the motivations of people close and dear to you. Then you won’t be unduly annoyed when someone acts outside the norm you set for yourself.

Understanding yourself and others gives you the weapon to chisel out interesting characters to people your creative writing in an attempt to engage the intellect and emotions of your readers. And understanding yourself and others relieves you of that mental and emotional stress which contorts your features, causing you constant physical and emotional pain.

Here’s to wishing you a week of putting your annoyances into perspective and to use them for creative purposes!