What is Sex Therapy?

By: Dr. Denise Renye

If you look at my services page, you’ll notice I offer sex therapy. What is sex therapy? And why is it important? First off, sex therapy is talk therapy, not hands-on therapy. In a sex therapy session, everyone in the room remains fully clothed, and there is no touching. Also, sex therapy isn’t just about sex – it’s about expression and pleasure and communication. Yes, I work with people experiencing vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, hypo- and hyperarousal (to name a few), but ultimately what I care about is connecting the body and mind.

Arguably, each sexual concern is related to a disconnect between body and mind. I encourage and attempt to help people become and live from their whole selves, and when they can integrate their inevitably multidimensional sexuality experience, they are well on their way! My practice is called Whole Person Integration, after all.

First, some background. Sex therapy is a niche specialty. You would think all therapists are trained to talk about human sexuality, but they are certainly not. Even psychologists can graduate from a doctoral program without taking one single human sexuality course. Often their only training comes from a one credit online course necessitated by licensing requirements and that’s it. That means many therapists cringe at the idea of talking with their patients about sex and intimacy  and avoid asking questions like the following:

·      What is your relationship with your body?

·      Do you masturbate? If yes, how often?

·      How do you experience intimacy in your life?

·      What was your best sexual experience?

·      What was your worst sexual experience?

·      What is your ideal sexual experience?

·      Do you engage in and/or enjoy kink?

·      What is the relationship design that works for you in your life?

As for me, I received a Master’s degree in human sexuality from Widener University, at the time it was one of two accredited Master’s and doctoral level programs accredited in the U.S. I am a certified sexologist through The American College of Sexologists International and am affiliated with The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), as well as  The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). My Master’s program was a two-year program that was comprehensive, intense, and helped me tremendously to deliver as a clinician and educator. Not only did it give me a depth of understanding around the weight of sexual concerns people have, but it also helped decrease judgment regarding typically taboo subjects like non-traditional relationship design, fetishes, kink, infidelity/deceit, and incest. The program itself was sex positive, meaning an emphasis on open-minded, non-judgemental approaches to sexuality overall as well as progressive conceptualization and treatment intervention. I am deeply grateful to the professors and mentors who taught me and helped pave the way for the sexologist and psychologist I am today.

The program simultaneously addressed social justice concerns that dovetailed with sexuality. That’s important because those subjects are prevalent in the world and pretending that they’re not doesn’t help anyone. I am also a member of Bay Area Open Minds, a collective of therapists who “affirm that sexual and gender diversity are natural expressions of the human experience.”

I also received specialized training in holistic sexuality applications with Gina Ogden and Marina Romero. Ogden focuses on a 4-D wheel to help people move out of stuck places, cultivate the nurturing relationships they wish for, and discover the joys of pleasure, intimacy, and passion in their sexual partnerships. This is done by addressing the following four dimensions of human experience: body, mind, heart, and spirit. It’s a somatically based movement technique that allows  the whole person to be integrated.

Romero proposes that sexuality is a creative force of life energy that can greatly enhance mind-centric therapy approaches, such as traditional talk therapy. She and her colleagues assert when sexuality is welcomed into each of a person’s basic aspects, it connects them to the deepest currents of their creative power. Sexuality is essential in helping a person develop and manifest the gifts of their creative potential, according to Romero.

In my practice I offer sex therapy in a variety of ways. I offer it as a time-limited option for couples and individuals. I have provided sex therapy for non-traditional circumstances as well, such as for polyamorous triples as well as long-term sex workers and regular clients. Since 2004, I have been running a mindfulness group for sex workers called Dwelling in the Body.  I also work with relationship surrogates, which is a topic for another blog altogether. In the meantime, some more information about relationship surrogates can be found here at the website for International Professional Surrogates Association.

People who work with me in my practice may or may not be seeing their own long-term therapist at the same time. If they have a therapist already, the person or couple works with me for one to three months and I act as a supportive adjunct to the work they’re already doing. I am in contact with their therapist to bolster those efforts. If a couple or individual doesn’t have a therapist, they can still work with me on a short or long-term basis.

For people who see me for depth psychotherapy, sometimes embedded in that work is sex therapy. I may introduce a technique like sensate focus, a slow and gentle exercise that helps reduce performance anxiety and stress around sexual activity. After completing the exercise, I have the person or couple report back to me about the experience and I offer next steps.

In addition to my work with couples and individuals, I also support clinicians. I offer consultation and supervision to other professionals on their cases in regards to sexuality, sensuality, kink/BDSM, etc. 

I’ve only briefly introduced the topic of sex therapy to give you a general idea of what I do, but for a more in-depth conversation, please do get in touch.

References

Boskey, Dr. Elizabeth. “Sex Therapy with Sensate Focus.” Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/sex-therapy-with-sensate-focus-4145783. June 4, 2020.

Ogden, Gina. The 4-D Network for Body, Mind, Heart, and Spirit. https://4-dnetwork.com. Accessed September 15, 2020.

Romero, Marina. “Sexuality as a Transformational Path: Exploring the Holistic Dimensions of Human Vitality.” International Journal of Transpersonal Studies. July 1, 2012;31(2):33-41.