What is self-esteem and why is it so important?

Self-esteem is our deepest, unconscious feelings about ourselves. It is important to develop healthy self-esteem because those unconscious feelings manifest themselves externally in the choices we make and our ability to set healthy boundaries.

People with healthy self-esteem are empowered to make better choices and set healthier boundaries than those with poor self-esteem. Whether a person has healthy or poor self-esteem will have a profound positive or negative effect on the quality of that person’s entire life. Ask yourself how your life might have been had you made better choices and set healthier boundaries throughout your lifetime? Definitely different and probably better.

The development of healthy or poor self-esteem is not a socio-economic issue. Every child in the world will develop one or the other when they are very young. By the time children are 5-years-old they have developed the majority of their self-esteem, which is why those first five years of a child’s life are so crucial. And, since parents are the major influence in the development of their child’s self- esteem, it begins at home. Once people make the decision to become parents, they take on the responsibility of helping their children grow up believing in themselves and loving themselves so they will not only be prepared to survive the ups and downs of life, but be prepared to thrive.

During those formative years from birth to 5-years-old when self-esteem is formed, a child’s mind is like a sponge, it is thirsty for information. It is also very literal; it believes everything it is told. This is when children discover their own individuality and develop the self-belief system that will last them a lifetime. How children feel about themselves, for the rest of their lives depends on how their parents interact with them when they are very young. Unfortunately, most parents don’t understand the urgency of helping their child develop healthy self-esteem throughout those first five critical years.

The signs of poor self-esteem start to present themselves very early on. Fear, anxiety, worry, sadness and unworthiness are examples of the negative feelings that become apparent in a child’s behavior. However, most parents don’t recognize these early warning signs due to lack of experience or knowledge. Even when parents do notice the symptoms, they usually think their child will grow out of them. The truth is, they won’t outgrow them and the problems will only grow worse.

In elementary school, the issues become more obvious. Poor attitude and poor grades, lack of participation, anger and negative interaction with others are just a few of the many ways poor self- esteem manifests itself. Many parents choose to ignore these signs for fear that to acknowledge their child is struggling will give others the impression that they're bad parents.

By middle and high school, the unacknowledged, untreated and unresolved negative issues can manifest themselves in devastatingly poor behavior and choices. Drug and alcohol addiction, depression, obesity, bullying, gangs and run-ins with the law are but a few examples of the heart- breaking effects of a child’s poor self-esteem.

As adults, the children who developed poor self-esteem tend to exhibit poor health, criminal behavior, and limited economic prospects. And, the parents, having no idea how their child ended up like this, try to shift the blame to teachers, coaches and any other adults who influenced their child along the way, or they just shrug and ask themselves “Where did we go wrong?” 

We can blame our parents for negative choices we have made and the bad things that we've all experienced in our lives, or choose to use them as an example of what we don't want to be and be better.

Success in every area of our lives starts from within and is directly related to the positive or negative relationship we develop with ourselves, how we feel about ourselves starting when we are very young. When we learn to believe in ourselves and love ourselves we start to make better choices, set healthier boundaries and create a better quality of life. Are you satisfied with the quality of your life, and your relationship with yourself? If not, what are you willing to do about it? Healthy self-esteem is built through accomplishment, and having purpose in our lives and we we all need to have purpose. If you're struggling to make positive changes on your own, and living a life with no purpose, it's OK...vital to get outside help. Do you want to continue to struggle though life with little or no self-esteem, or develop positive, healthy self-esteem and become the master of your destiny? It's your choice and the quality of your life depends on it....