What is Self-Awareness and Why Does It Matter?

The following is an excerpt from my book,?I Know Myself and Neither Do You: Why Confidence, Charisma and Pedigree Won’t Take You Where You Want to Go

“Without reflection, we go?blindly?on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.” Margaret J. Wheatley

Defining Self-Awareness

Self-awareness can be defined as?an awareness of one's own personality, character or individuality.?Psychologist Daniel Goleman proposed a popular definition of self-awareness in his best-selling book?Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, as “knowing one’s internal states, preference, resources, and intuitions.”

Other phrases and words are often used to mean self-awareness:

• Self-reflection has also been referred to at various times as “self-consciousness,” “introspection,” or “self-awareness,” all having slightly different connotations but emphasizing the same concept.?Self-reflection is?careful thought about your own behavior and beliefs?and involves self-examination, self-observation, and soul-searching.
• Self-consciousness can be defined as being?conscious of one's own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself; aware of oneself as an individual.
• Introspection can be defined as observation or examination of one’s own mental and emotional state, mental process; the act of looking within oneself.
• Self-knowledge can be defined as an?understanding of oneself or one's own motives or character.

All the definitions suggest an examination of one’s internal thoughts and feelings and reflecting on what they mean. This process can be focused on either one’s current or past mental experiences.

Beyond the ability to be reflectively aware of oneself, self-awareness is often associated with executive processes in the brain essential to the self-regulation of emotions. Thus, the self-aware individual is often viewed as more controlled and intentional.?

Why Does Self-Awareness Matter?

In 1972, psychologists Shelley Duval and Robert Wicklund published their theory of self-awareness, which argued?“when we focus our attention on ourselves, we evaluate and compare our current behavior to our internal standards and values. We become self-conscious as objective evaluators of ourselves.”?Duval and Wicklund believe self-awareness was a major mechanism of self-control.

In his paper, “How Self-Awareness Impacts Your Work, “ Daniel Goleman argues the ability to monitor our emotions and thoughts from moment to moment is a key to understanding ourselves better, being at peace with whom we are and proactively managing our thoughts, emotions and behaviors.

People who are self-aware act intentionally and consciously rather than reactively or passively, Goleman contends. They also have an elevated sensitivity to the impact their words and behavior have on others.

According to researcher Matthew Lippincott,?“Developing Emotional Self-Awareness is a crucial first step in effective leadership because it lays the foundation upon which the other eleven?Emotional and Social Intelligence Competencies?are built. We can’t develop skills like Emotional Self-Control, Empathy, or Teamwork unless we are coming from a place of Emotional Self-Awareness. It gives leaders the necessary information about themselves and the effectiveness of their interactions so that they can monitor their emotions and manage their behaviors accordingly.”

Executive coaches often deal with difficult clients, particularly executives who tend to be overconfident and arrogant. It’s been my experience that the most difficult to deal with and coach are the leaders who lack self-awareness. They are either unaware of their inner state and how others view them, or they are aware and they don’t care about other’s perceptions.?

Self-aware people recognize about their limitations and strengths, and they will welcome constructive feedback from others. In contrast, people with low self-awareness may respond to critical feedback as a threat or sign of failure.?

It’s clear that self-awareness is foundational to emotional intelligence and is critical to our ability to communicate effectively with and build relationships of trust with others. Individuals high in self-awareness are skilled at self-monitoring and in adapting their behaviors to relate effectively with others.?

Many important studies show that self-awareness is not a strong trait for many leaders, particularly male leaders. While women in executive-level management positions tend to exhibit more self-awareness than men in the same positions, the overall percentages suggest there is much opportunity for growth in this area. In a study of 17,000 individuals worldwide, the?Hay Group Research?found that 19 percent of women executives interviewed exhibited self-awareness as compared to 4 percent of their male counterparts.

According to Tasha Eurich, writing in the?Harvard Business Review, “research suggests that when we see ourselves clearly, we are?more confident?and?more creative. We make?sounder decisions, build?stronger relationships, and?communicate more effectively. We’re less likely to?lie, cheat, and steal. We are?better workers?who get?more promotions. And we’re?more effective leaders with more satisfied employees and more profitable companies.”

One of the effects of increased self-awareness is emotional intensity. Focusing on one’s emotions or physiological responses amplifies one’s subjective experience. Self-awareness also increases accurate access to one’s self-concept. Self-regulation, a tangential component of self-awareness, increases our ability smoothly navigate our social environment through the self-regulation of our emotions, which includes altering one’s behavioral, resisting temptation, changing one’s mood, and selecting a response from various options.

One of the most significant observations that I made over a thirty-plus year period of training, coaching and mentoring leaders in small and large organizations is the degree to which self-awareness was not identified as an important element in providing feedback to leaders and the surprising number of experienced leaders in organizations who both undervalued and lacked sufficient self-awareness.?

A Sample Self-Awareness Assessment

These questions are an effective way to engage in self-awareness.

1.?????When you make a mistake to what extent has it tended to disrupt your day?

2.?????How difficult has it been for you to accept the fact that you were not as good at something as you thought you were?

3.?????How difficult has it been for you to cope with situations that forced you to see yourself in a different way?

4.?????How important has it been for you to receive praise from others?

5.?????How often do you compare your standards to those of others?

6.?????How often do you criticize your own work?

7.?????How often do you feel guilty when you have not performed to standards?

8.?????How often do you question your abilities?

9.?????How often do you reflect on your performance standards after a failure?

10.??How often do you compare your performance to the performance of others?

11.??How often do you assess whether you "belong" in a given situation?

12.??How often has an emotional or difficult situation caused you to reassess your strengths and weaknesses?

13.??To what extent do you understand how your characteristics and your experiences have led to you?to?become the person you are today

14.??To what extent do you understand how your personal characteristics lead to your behavior in different?situations?

15.??To what extent do you use diverse perspectives to arrive at new conclusions about yourself?

16.??To what extent would your friends describe you as someone who knows themselves well?

17.??After a major accomplishment how likely are you to sit back and enjoy the moment?

18.??How often do you know what qualities you bring to a relationship?

19.??How often do you modify your standards in order to improve performance?

20.??When working on a project, how often can you tell in advance what part would be the easiest for you??

21.??To what extent would you say that you consciously think about the ways your thoughts and emotions influence your behavior??

22.??How likely are your friends to describe you as introspective?

23.??How often did you spend time alone in high school so you could have time to think?

24.??How often do you enjoy time alone because it allows you to reflect on your day's activities?

25.??How often do you set time aside to reflect on your day?

26.??How often do you ponder over how to improve yourself from knowledge of previous experiences?

27.??I integrate information about myself from different sources to better understand myself?

28.??I often find myself searching internally for explanations of my behavior and emotions?

29.???How frequently have the outcomes of your behavior in a given situation caused you to reach an "a-ha" moment about yourself?

30.??Relative to your friends, how much time do you spend trying to understand yourself?

31.??Relative to your friends, how much time do you spend thinking about the reasons for your behaviors??