What will they say?
To thrive and lead a fulfilling life, I believe we need to nurture the most important relationship in our life - the one we have with our Self! Thus, my intention here is to share with you matters I hope you'll find useful to guide you on your journey to create a loving relationship with yourself and others, and to build a life you desire.
Trees are already in full bloom and you can smell spring knocking on the door... energies are shifting and, maybe internal spring cleaning is needed.
Let us begin...
When I was little my mother always taught me by doing, which is a model I follow in all my trainings , because I believe is the best way of learning. Many times I didn't agree with her way of doing things, so I'd do them my own way. Once I would finish the task, usually she would come and re-do it because it was not done her way - the perfect way according to her. You can imagine what this does to a young girls's confidence, right?
I remember one day she tasked me with hanging the laundry. At that time we used to hang the wet laundry on the balcony, so all the neighbours could see it. Since I was young and not so tall, I had to use a chair to reach the ropes so I could hang the clothes. Up and down, up and down, up and down... until I finished. It was a hell of an effort for a young girl, but I finished the task the best I could. Satisfied and relieved that I am over with it, I went to my mom to tell her I have finished. The next thing, she took me by the hand and to the balcony. No, she was not satisfied with what I've done.
"You've thrown the clothes like dead meat" she said, "what will the neighbours say?"
After which, she completely redid the laundry showing me how it should be done, neatly, orderly - so, that our neighbours could enjoy the view of our artistically arranged towels, shirts, socks and panties.
Many of us have been raised with this limiting belief. Whole societies have been built on this idea. And, many lives have been destroyed by it! This fear of judgment and concern about "what others will say" is a pervasive and often paralyzing belief that can significantly impact our psychological well-being, confidence, the relationships we have with others and the overall quality of our life. This limiting belief is rooted in our longing for acceptance and validation from others, leading us to prioritize external opinions over our own inner truth.
Before I continue on the subject, let me share with you a few announcements...
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Bonus, you will receive a copy of the Self-Expedition workbook - your personal guide towards your inner exploration.
Isn't that amazing?
To continue,
Following the expectations of others and the fear of judgment can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, self-doubt and low self-esteem. Constantly worrying about how we are perceived by others can lead to a chronic sense of insecurity. This fear can also prevent us from expressing our authentic selves and living in alignment with our values, resulting in a lack of fulfilment and a sense of disconnection from our true selves.
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Constantly seeking validation from others and fearing their criticism can lead to a state of hyperarousal and heightened stress levels, which over time can take a toll on our physical, mental and emotional well-being. This affects our ability to cope with challenges and maintain a positive outlook on life.
It also undermines our confidence and self-assurance reinforcing a cycle of self-doubt, which hinders our belief in our abilities and can hold us back from seizing opportunities, taking risks and fully embracing our potential. It can lead to avoidance behavior, causing us to shrink ourselves and play small in order to avoid criticism or rejection.
Societal rules and norms will always exist. Other people will always have opinions. Their opinions are based on their own upbringing and experiences. We can not change what others expect of us, nor their opinion of us - it is only theirs!
But, awareness that our ability to resist social pressure and set our own standards impacts everything from our self-esteem to our emotional well-being, is life changing.
I am not saying that we need to constantly ignore other people's opinions, none of us lives in isolation and none of us can see our backs. Healthy criticism from people we trust can help us raise our standards and better ourselves. What I am saying is we need to get rid of the fear to be judged, so we can allow ourselves to reach for the stars - whatever the stars for each of us are!
Therefore, I invite you to reflect:
There are no right or wrong answers here, just explore and see what comes up. Notice how much power you may be giving others over yourself.
To finish,
I still throw the laundry like dead meat, not giving a damn what others will say. But, it took me some time to get rid of that limiting belief and understand that what matters is what and how I think of myself.
My message for the month of March is:
What would you do if the opinion of others about you didn't matter?
A suggestion for your further reading:
Self-esteem and communication - the March 2023 edition of the newsletter.
Into the mud. A lesson on resilience , an article that is very dear to me from the time I was healing from cancer
Inspiration and Information Sources:
I'm watching, reading and listening to: