What Rules Your Mind?

As human beings, we must use our brains in order to live. We must think, we must do, we must move our fingers by activating our motor cortex. We don't have to think about much when we're young, but when we're old, there's no shortage of the things we can think about it.

Paying the bills, taking the car in for an oil change, whether or not we fed the dog before we left home. These are what I like to call "racing thoughts" and their lifespan is only as long as you think about them, and, if they involve an action item, getting that task done so you can fully complete that particular thought. Those of us who are achievers love when that sort of thing happens. But what about the stuff that we can't seem to get out of our heads? What do we do about that?

Recently, I had found myself allowing for one specific thing (or should I say person) to rule my mind, although we can be stricken and pulled down by many. You know something rules your mind when it creates a snowball effect - meaning it will take the next thing you're thinking about it - which could be a racing thought - and make it a much bigger deal than it should be. We find ourselves all of a sudden being very irrational with our feelings. We will look at our spouse and out of the blue say, "You always do this to me." We will have a road rage like we've never had before - all while this ruling thought is lording over us. When it gets to this point, we're in a very bad place. While our external behavior is the easiest show of how we're feeling, the more important part is the stuff people don't see. Those who let people or things rule their minds may carry themselves stoically, but inside they're screaming. That was me. And the worst part - when I tried to meet them half-way, they didn't meet me, so there was no closure and I was left with the need to move on. Easier said than done. But for the sake of my sanity and ability to find calm again, I just had to. It wasn't easy and still isn't, as I visualized what might have been had I chosen to give in to their desires and not my own.

In the 2006 movie "The Devil Wears Prada", Anne Hathaway's character Andy allows Meryl Streep's character Miranda to rule her, as Andy thinks the only way she'll get ahead is to appease Miranda. The entire movie Andy is bending over backwards for Miranda until Andy realizes she's losing everything that's important to her. But in the end, Andy does stand her ground by throwing her ball-and-chain cell phone into a fountain. And by doing this, she finds her freedom and gains everything back that she lost. 

When you aim to satisfy the needs of others, the easier route is always what's in their best interests. However, in order for things or people to not lord over you, you absolutely have to stand your ground and be confident. Or, in the words of Buddha, "Rule your mind or it will rule you." To offer some practical application, you can use this variation on this adage:

"Rule [insert thought] or [insert thought] will rule you.

Thanks for reading,

Tim