What Regina George and The Iron Lady Have in Common

Like most of us, I hate bullies. Particularly the type I’m calling out today. The Queen Bee.

She’s been around for a while. Almost 50 years in fact, when the term (Queen Bee Syndrome) was officially coined in 1973 to describe a professional woman who’s reached success, yet rather than use her privilege and power as a force for good to lift up other women, it’s used to keep them down.?

Yes—they’re the women we love to hate in familiar stories like Mean Girls, Gossip Girl and The Devil Wears Prada. In real life they’re the “girl-boss” that didn’t turn out quite as we imagined. (Sidenote - Some believed ?Former Prime Minister?Margaret Thatcher?had?Queen Bee?syndrome as a result of her seldom promoting women to her cabinet.)?

Two-thirds of women say they’ve been bullied by another woman in the workplace. But, as usual you can’t take the numbers at face value and have to peel back the layers of the onion. And I’ll be honest—it still stinks.?

While the original logic was that women were ruthless villains unwilling to help one another, subsequent research showed that other factors played a part. The culprit that people are pointing the finger at is also known as tokenism, quotas, or targets, which result in the very unfortunate reality that women are simply competing for limited top positions, and dwell in a culture that continues to be difficult to change.

Other studies show that women excel at “paying it forward” to other women when they’re in a role of leadership, mentoring or directorship on a board. Part of the problem however, lies in the simple fact that they’re not in these roles enough. The low numbers of women in these positions make it difficult to achieve the necessary momentum that can change the existing dynamic—and sadly, some women have admitted that in order to survive—assimilation is sometimes an easier path to travel than the steep climb to fight for what seems unlikely or even impossible to alter.?

But a silver lining may be in the fact that despite the term implying that it relates specifically to women—it’s actually a common behaviour anywhere that non-dominant minorities swim in a pool of one particular?sociocultural group.?

Regardless of the reason behind this behaviour—we need to stand up and be part of the solution, because whether they’re wearing a skirt or pants,?the bully remains in the equation. According to the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and safety, it comes down to unwanted behaviour from one person to another, designed to intimidate, offend, degrade or humiliate—in forms both obvious and subtle. It could be the death by a thousand papercuts scenario where it includes acts such as:

• Spreading rumours, gossip, or innuendo.
• Excluding or isolating someone socially.
• Intimidating a person.
• Undermining or deliberately impeding a person's work.
• Removing areas of responsibilities without cause.
• Underwork – creating a feeling of uselessness.
• Criticizing a person persistently or constantly.
• Inducing shame and guilt by making someone feel inadequate or unworthy.
• Belittling a person's opinions.

And the price that corporation’s pay are high.

• Increased absenteeism.
• Increased turnover.
• Increased stress.
• Increased costs for employee assistance programs (EAPs), recruitment, etc.
• Decreased productivity and motivation.
• Decreased morale.
• Reduced corporate image?

Remember—the patriarchy (a societal model that creates a gender divide based on traditional roles) doesn't only exist for men. But the rules are out of date now, and it cuts people in half.?Women are expressive, nurturing, etc., while men are confident, unemotional and so on.?We know better now, that each can be both.

Renowned therapist Terry Real explains the crushing effect of the patriarchy on both men and women. I happen to love his metaphor stating that?“The force of patriarchy is the water that we all swim and we’re the fish.” Women can be just as patriarchal as men by holding those same types of values and biases.?Here are Real’s suggestions - Be brave. Have courage. Step outside your comfort zone. Sounds like a perfect way to deal with a bully.?And most importantly—speak up.

Experts in social behaviour explain that the reason the patriarchy still exists is because it's a way to defend against loss. Bottom line—people in power don't tend to give it up. But here's the thing. They don't have to. There's enough for all of us—just look at the King Bees.