What really matters to you?

On a boring Monday afternoon, while I was scrolling through my feed checking meaningless updates from equally meaningless contacts, I came across a post announcing the death of a friend.

He was not just a “Social Media Friend”, those you accept to connect simply to avoid the awkwardness of declining to the request. Those who you have not seen or talked to for years but couldn’t care less.

This one was a real friend. A friend we miss spending time with and that, despite the distance or time apart imposed by our very adult busy lives, we always feel really close. A friend that remembers our high school stories, the same it can never be published on any social media.

The news was there on his wife’s profile: he died yesterday morning as a result of something unexpected. The service will be on this address (not far from where we used to play soccer decades ago) at this time, etc.

Several people equally surprised left messages. Some were closer than others. None knew exactly what to write. “Thoughts and prayers”, “Thinking about you”, “Sending love” were the usual ones.

My fried was only a few months older than I am; he grew up near my parents’ house; he’s been to the same pre school, middle school and high school I attended and had no bad habits that can kill you, other than watching more soccer on TV that what we should.

When we graduated from college, we went out to great corporate jobs. The type of job that keeps us busy for 30 years until we retire with a farewell reception on a Thursday afternoon on a meeting room.

My friend was respected and liked. He used to attend the industry events and have been to the Cannes Festival a few times. He used to write to magazines and be a keynote in many events.

I knew he had been very busy over the past few months with a global product launch. The project had already forced him to cancel a long time planned family trip and work in Asia for a month without coming back home for his wife and his son birthdays.

According to his boss, he was the only one that could do that work. As a good corporate soldier, he worked hard late evenings and weekends without complaining.

Despite the extra work he got as a result of multiple reorganizations, the promotion he had been promised 4 years ago was yet to come.

He knew he was working more than what he should and felt guilty for that. I remember he constantly saying, “it is just a phase” and “as soon as I deliver the project get the promotion, everything will be different”.

But he ended before the project.

Like myself, my friend used to dream about retiring at the beach in Miami. He wanted to leave the big city and buy that condo with ocean view so he could finally relax. He promised me he would stop at 55. I didn’t trust him but admired his determination.

“When I retire, I want to learn French, play the guitar and travel the world. It will be the best years of my life, I am sure.”

The company he worked at, the one with the very important project only he could do, sent an email to some employees announcing his passing. They said they were “very said to communicate…” and that he “will live through his wife and son…”. Then they went on informing that John Whatever would replace him and work on that project that “only he could do”.

The news of his death made the news through the Twitter handle of an industry publication. It had four likes.

The story of my friend could have been yours or mine. He worked hard, compromised a lot on his personal life, made lots of sacrifices for his work and died young.

He can’t change his habits anymore but we still can change ours. In this New Year, think twice what are the sacrifices you will make and what really matters to you.

Most of the times the work can wait, not every trip is necessary, not every meeting is urgent and vacations rarely need to be canceled. Chances are your company and your projects will be just fine with or without you. Your family and that condo by the beach in Miami will not. 

Cheers my friend. 

Article originally published on Forbes Brasil (in Portuguese) - https://forbes.uol.com.br/colunas/2019/01/o-que-realmente-importa-para-voce/