What Is Real Success?

Society’s media and marketing systems try to convince us that success depends on having lots of money, power, status, possessions, popularity or just being irresistibly attractive. But that’s not how I, or I believe most people, believe that’s what real success is all about.

In just a couple of months from the time of writing this article I will turn 78. For almost all my working life (apart from 6 years as a clerk in the public service) my career has focused on working with people. That has included 17 years as a local church pastor, 16 as a church consultant, 5 as a workplace chaplain and over 10 as a leadership coach, professional supervisor and organisational consultant.

From both life and work experiences together with my post graduate studies I have come to appreciate that success covers the following 6 domains: Physical, Mental, Financial, Relational, Vocational and Spiritual. I believe most people feel they have achieved success when they feel they have achieved their goals and fulfilled their needs in each of these areas. Let’s consider each domain.

?

Physical

Success in the physical realm may seem fairly straightforward - good health, personal fitness and being able to pursue your sporting interests and goals at a satisfying level. However, not all people are able to enjoy what most see as being fit and healthy. Some of us are physically disabled or acquire certain physical limitations or illnesses that constrain what’s physically possible. Nevertheless, many have evidenced resilience achieving incredible outcomes, even exceeding their own expectations, notwithstanding their physical limitations. In my view such people are exceptionally successful in the physical domain.

?

Mental

Under the domain of mental I include emotional and intellectual success as both are inextricably linked. The intellectual domain isn’t about having a phenomenally high IQ. Rather it’s about having your intellectual needs satisfied and achieving your intellectual goals whether through academic achievement or pursuing your own intellectual interests.

Meeting your emotional needs is dependent upon being aware of your feelings in any given context and being able to manage those feelings to your own satisfaction. Emotionally successful people are resilient and empathetic, able to bounce back from setbacks and disappointments and being able to respond to the concerns of others in a sensitive and appropriate manner.

?

Financial

This is probably the main area that many people consider what it means to be successful. Certainly we do need enough money to provide for ourselves and our families as well as for life in retirement. Also as members of society we have a moral responsibility to care for others who are impacted by such tragedies as floods, bush fires and serious poverty. However we don’t need to be super wealthy to achieve that. And I don’t believe most people want to have multiple millions of dollars in their investment portfolios when they die.

John Wesley, the famous 18th century spiritual reformer, gave this sage advice a couple of centuries ago: “Make as much as you can; save as much as you can and give as much as you can.” That’s what I would call having a financially successful life.

?

Relational

The Relational domain covers all those relationships that most people find important, even essential to enjoying a vibrant and happy life. Ranging from the intimate relationship with one’s life partner, core relationships with family members and close friends to social relationships within the communities we belong to and collegiate relationships with work mates.

?

Of course, for virtually all of us the most important relationships are those with our life partner, children and grandchildren (if we are so blessed.) It’s often been observed that most people on their deathbeds don’t complain, “My one regret is I didn’t spend enough time at my work!” It’s more likely to be, “If only I had spent more time with my partner and children!”

At a time when family violence is on the rise and family breakdowns are endemic it’s a salutary reminder that irrespective of how successful a person may appear in the other 5 domains unless there’s forgiveness and, if achievable, restoration in our family relationships (and I appreciate that isn’t always possible) our other successes lose their shine.

?

Vocational

Feeling successful in our careers and workplaces is something most people want to experience. This is understandable as significance is a basic human need. And as most of our adult lives are spent working (in the home, office, restaurant, farm, factory, etc.) our workplaces are those environments where we can gain much of our sense of purpose and achievement. Ultimately vocational success is not about achieving a powerful, prestigious or highly remunerated position. Rather it’s more about finding work that is meaningful and contributes to adding value to people’s lives.

?

Spiritual

By ‘spiritual’ I don’t mean the same as ‘religious’. The spiritual domain refers to that dimension of our lives that generates our sense of worth, identity, meaning and direction. It’s where we find the answer to the 3 questions:

?????????? Whose am I?

?????????? Who am I? and

?????????? Why am ?

The first relates to our sense of belonging and self-worth. It refers to our sense of connectedness and identity. Ultimately it’s where we find an authority to live under that is greater than our own fallible selves.

Who am I addresses our basic beliefs and core values that emerge from our sense of identity, connection and accountability.

It’s our answer to Why am I where we discover a sense of purpose and direction and are able to develop a vision for our lives.

?

Finally…

While success in the first 4 domains is important it’s in developing our spiritual domain that we find the foundation and stabilising dynamic for living healthily and effectively in the other 5. As you have probably discerned from this article and the others I have written on this website, for me that life giving spiritual centre is the life, example and teaching of Jesus Christ. If you are yet to find yours I strongly suggest you consider a spirituality that is not just a mystical experience but one that is also historically anchored, rational and has a track record in helping to shape just, loving and creative communities.

?

?

?