What a President Can Learn from a 7-Year Old Boy

In a recent AFL (Australian Football League) preliminary final, a young boy, encouraged by his father, showed amazing sportsmanship when his team (Port Adelaide) lost to Richmond.

Archer Merritt said he was shocked at the “bullying” Richmond key forward Tom Lynch was enduring both during and after the match at Adelaide Oval. After witnessing a Port fan throwing a drink on Lynch during his interview with Channel 7 (see image below), young Archer knew he had to speak to the star to congratulate him on his finals victory.

Archer’s father Jason Merritt explained that he had discussed the treatment with his son, and made it absolutely clear that it wasn’t the right way to go about things when you lose.

“The Port Adelaide supporters were bullying him and making fun of him because he kicked a goal. We felt bad for him and we wanted to congratulate him,” Archer said.

"One of the Port supporters had thrown his drink all over Lynch,” Jason (Archer's father) said. “Archer was getting a bit worried. I took him up the back (of the stands) and said to him, ‘That’s not how you lose. That’s poor sportsmanship to carry on like that when your team’s lost’.

“Archie felt bad for that and understood that’s not how you lose a game of football, and that’s not how you treat footballers. So he asked if he could get down there and congratulate Tom Lynch on making the grand final.”

The beautiful backstory captured the hearts of footy fans around the country, with hundreds of people commenting how much they adored both father and son for their strong values.

Archer’s father Jason also shed more light on the heartwarming moment, saying he wanted to explain to his son that it was important to know how to behave after a loss, to show class.

What a President Could Learn

The differences between Archer's response to losing and Donald Trump's response are stark and obvious. In refusing to concede the election loss to Joe Biden, he has demonstrated poor 'sportsmanship' at best and at worst is undermining the very fabric of the democratic process.

Conversely, Archer and his father not only demonstrated good grace in defeat, but they also managed to do something many of us fail to do from time to time - he demonstrated empathy and compassion.

All of us, particularly those gifted with a position of leadership, or who simply choose to lead despite not having formal authority vested in us, need to do better. Expressing empathy or being empathic is not easy. It requires us to be able to see the world as others see it, to be non-judgmental, to understand another person’s feelings and to communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings (Wiseman, 1996).

The False Dichotomy of Victim or Viking

According to Brené Brown in her 2018 book Dare to Lead, one of the dimensions of armoured leadership (as opposed to daring leadership) is about propagating the false dichotomy of victim or viking, crush or be crushed, winner or loser, survive or die, kill or be killed, strong or weak, leaders or followers, success or failure, crush or be crushed. Sound familiar?

In this binary world of paired opposites, you’re either a sucker/loser who always gets the short end of the stick, or you’re a Viking who refuses to be victimized. You’ll do whatever is required—control, dominate, exert power, shut down emotion—to ensure that you’re never vulnerable. This win-lose zero-sum power dynamic is pervasive in some professions, but it’s also attributable to how people were raised. If it was your primary model growing up, you are liable to believe in a false and extreme dichotomy: that if you don’t do the crushing, you won’t survive. While survival or winning may mean success in some contexts, when you strip away real threat, survival is not living. We all need to belong, and we all need love, and neither is possible without vulnerability and integration.

Being Fully Human = Being Fully a Leader

For us at The Leadership Sphere, leadership absolutely starts from inside (us) and moves out. Brené Brown sums this up nicely in her quote: "Who We Are is How We Lead". To be fully human means accepting that we are not perfect and that we will fail, that we will experience setbacks, and yes, that we won't always win. Leadership is about many things, but central to being effective is character. If we invest enough energy stage-managing who we are to the world, we'll have less energy to do the things good leaders need to do. It's time Donald John Trump put the cue back in the rack, shook hands, and departed gracefully. It's time to take a leaf out the playbook of a 7-year old boy who likes nothing better than going to the footy with his dad.

Phil is the Managing Director of leadership consultancy The Leadership Sphere. He is also a Certified Dare to Lead Facilitator trained by Brené Brown. You can find out more about the programs offered at https://theleadershipsphere.com.au/programs-and-services/dare-to-lead-australia-2020/