What people really mean (Corona Edition)

A lot is changing in our world right now. Our jobs are changing, our social life is changing and the way we communicate is changing. I'm here to let you know what people are really trying to communicate during these quarantined times

Friends

What they say: "I'm doing well"

What they mean: "I'm not doing well"

Girls quarantining with their boyfriend

What they say: "It's going well. We are learning a lot about each other. It's tough at times but I'm happy to be doing it with them!"

What they mean: "It's horrible. I can't stand him. He takes Zoom calls all day and doesn't actually do any work, he just repeats "let's table this for now and circle back on it next call" on every call. I'm sick of pretending it's all okay. I am looking at Air B n B's in Palm Springs to escape to. WITHOUT HIM.

Entrepreneurs

What they say: Biz is going really well, we aren't even affected by corona. I'm also about to sell 400,000 masks to the Republic of Congo and make a cool $3.6M on it. So many great opportunities to make money right now, it's the best time for hustlers like me.

What they mean: Business is screwed. I'm making no money so I'm trying to hustle masks and hand sanitizers but every deal I try to make keeps falling through. I'm dead broke.

Furloughed employees

What they say: I didn't even really like that job, I was underpaid and under appreciated. Honestly this break was so good for me, now I can see my worth. Even if they offered me my job back idk if I would take it. I'd tell them I need a raise if they want me back.

What they mean: I had no idea I would miss my coworkers that much, I didn't ever realize how much I liked them. I wish I could go back to work. I'll even take a pay cut. I don't know what other job I can do. Will I ever make money again?

Smart Investors

What they say: I don't know wtf is going on with the stock market. I'm not investing in anything now it is way to volatile and unpredictable.

What they mean: I don't know wtf is going on with the stock market. I'm not investing in anything now it is way to volatile and unpredictable.

Robinhood (dumb) Investors

What they say: Now is the time to get rich. Be greedy when others are fearful, be fearful when others are greedy. I made $20k on ONE trade in ONE week. Now is the time to build generational wealth.

What they mean: I made $20k on one trade but have lost over $100k this month. I'm too deep in to get out now, I'm praying I get back to $0 so I can walk away without losing money.

Venture Capitalists

What they say: We are still making investments now, we aren't scared.

What they mean: We ain't investing shit right now, we have no idea what will happen. If we do invest, we will need an 80% discount from your last valuation.

Guys on Dating Apps

What they say: I'm looking for someone to cook dinner for! We can start a new Netflix series together. Maybe we can be quarantined buddies if we hit it off! Have you traveled at all recently?

What they mean: I so fucking lonely and looking for someone to fuck and I'm praying they leave immediately after. Do you have corona?

Girls on Dating Apps

What they say:I'm looking for someone to cook dinner for! We can start a new Netflix series together. Maybe we can be quarantined buddies if we hit it off! Have you traveled at all recently?

What they mean: I'm looking for someone to cook dinner for! We can start a new Netflix series together. Maybe we can be quarantined buddies if we hit it off! Do you have corona?

Politicians

What they say: Everything is under control and we will be back to normal in a few weeks. The economy will be better than ever

What they mean: I literally sold all of my stocks in the past month. The future is fucked. The economy wont recover for years.

Ecommerce Companies

What they say: We want to help! We are doing a 40% on all orders this month, and donating 5% of net revenue to corona victims. We are honored to be able to do our part in helping in a time like this.

What they mean: We have a warehouse full of shirts we can't sell and our FB advertising bill from last month is due in 4 days and we don't have to money to cover it. Please save our asses. Those shirts cost $2 to make, so even when you are buying them at 50% off we are making 5x our money. That being said, net revenue is a fancy way to say profit, but we don't make any profit. So literally 0% of this sale is going to charity, sorrrrrryyyy.

Carole Baskin

What they say: I didn't kill my husband.

What they mean: Obviously I killed him, that dude sucked. If you think my new husband sucks, you shoulda met my old one. Also that dude had $20M that he wanted to give to his family. Fuck that. I need that money to buy new cat print outfits.

Taylor "I'm doing well, I made $20k on ONE trade in ONE week and about to sell 400,000 masks to the Republic of Congo" Offer