What Peaks Do We Climb?

How a leader views and manages their own thoughts, emotions, and challenges shapes their interactions with others. When leaders cultivate a strong, healthy relationship with themselves, they lead with clarity, empathy, and confidence.?

However, neglecting this inner relationship can result in projecting unresolved issues onto others, damaging trust and creating unnecessary conflict. Therefore, self-leadership is the key to building strong, positive relationships in every aspect of leadership.

We may reach mountaintops only to realize, weeks, months, years, or even decades later, that we were scaling the wrong mountains.

The pursuit of goals and achievements fuels many leaders' drive for personal and professional growth. The trajectory of a leader’s path is often shaped by the clarity and intentionality with which they set and pursue their goals. Yet, as the quote above suggests, even after conquering numerous peaks, we must ask: were these truly the right mountains for us to climb?

Self-awareness and inner harmony are the foundations of effective leadership. How well a leader aligns their efforts and aspirations with their core values and purpose directly influences their ability to lead with integrity and create lasting, meaningful change. With this in mind, what essential practices, habits, and mindsets must leaders cultivate to ensure they remain true to themselves and consistently inspire those they lead?

Begin With Self

It’s often said that the relationship we have with ourselves governs all other relationships in our lives. But what does this mean in the context of actual day-to-day leadership?

Self-awareness is the conscious understanding of our thoughts, emotions, weaknesses, values, and motivations. Prioritizing our ability to tune into our inner state can profoundly impact our actions and interactions with others. When leaders cultivate a strong, healthy relationship with themselves, they lead with clarity, empathy, and confidence. Success, for them, is no longer defined by their status or power, but by the trust and relationships they build. This shift in focus not only enhances their leadership, but also fosters a culture of genuine connection and shared purpose.

As I coach leaders on these themes, our work together often leads them to deeply reflect on themselves as an integral part of their learning journey. We explore key questions that challenge them to examine their internal relationship with power, fear, failure, pressure, success, courage, and how they’ve been conditioned to communicate with the world. I have consistently found in my coaching work that early perceptions of their place in the world profoundly influence how they show up as leaders today.

Here are some of the questions we delve into:

• What was your early relationship like with authority and power? Provide examples.
• How was success and failure dealt with in your family in your formative years? Provide examples.
• How was handling pressure and stress modeled to you growing up? Provide examples.
• What was your early relationship like with fear? Provide examples.
• How was courage demonstrated to you in your early life? Provide examples.
• To what extent were your emotions validated by those close to you? Provide examples.
• How valued and appreciated did you feel throughout your life? Provide examples.
• When facing negative emotions, who could you confide in? Provide examples.
• Who did you become as a result of your early experiences? Provide examples.
• What strengths did you develop based on these experiences? Provide examples.
• Who were your early mentors? Why were they important, and what did they provide that you needed? Provide examples.
• How was showing appreciation for others modeled to you? Provide examples.
• How were compassion and empathy for others demonstrated to you? Provide examples.

In my conversations with leaders, we start with the questions that resonate most. Simply opening a dialogue around these critical areas often unlocks profound insights about the self. This process involves reflecting on the present to better understand the strengths that brought us here, while also recognizing potential barriers, coping mechanisms, and limitations that might hinder our effectiveness as leaders.

Now that you’ve read this far, I invite you to revisit the opening quote:

"We may reach mountaintops only to realize, weeks, months, years, or even decades later, that we were scaling the wrong mountains

Many leaders expend tremendous energy scaling the peaks of their organizations or professions, only to find that they’ve been climbing the wrong ones. Starting with the relationship we have with ourselves is one of the noblest climbs we can undertake. It allows us to truly understand who we are and how our past experiences have shaped us as leaders. The leaders who embrace this type of learning always come out better on the other side for their commitment to better understand themselves.

I hope this article has given you some food for thought. I’d love to hear your feedback—what came up for you as you read, and what strategies do you use in your own life to become the best leader possible? Do not hesitate to book a free discovery coaching call with me if you are interested in exploring your own leadership and ways you can continue to improve. Thank you.