What Parental Universe Do You Live In?

Last night we had a great time with friends at a pop-up cocktail and pizza party on our patio. A common theme of discussion was our kids' time at college and plans to get them back for the fall semester.

Today I'm at the Panera in West Windsor, New Jersey, my favorite hang out when I want to get some work done after working all week from my house. (Of course I'm not getting work done, I'm writing this instead.) Not far away is a young man I'm guessing is a teenager. He obviously is disabled and is acting and talking like someone much, much younger.

With him is a couple that I'll guess is his parents. Though appearances can be deceiving, he appears to be well cared for and his outbursts are met with restraint and care. He and his clothes are clean. His apparent father rubs his back and embraces him at times. He's tall and lean and if you looked at him for a second it wouldn't be hard to imagine him playing basketball (maybe a guard with a nice cross dribble and a jump shot that needs a little work) or as a short stop (good arm and foot work but maybe not a strong bat). I think it's probably fair to say this teen will probably never graduate high school, let alone go to college. Maybe he'll never hold a job.

I think we parents can obsess over our kids, even though they are perfectly capable. As stressful and serious as our kids' issues can be, I think we live in a universe filled with sunshine and light compared to the heavy lifting other parents need to do on a 24/7/365 basis. We make mountains out of our children's mole hills because we feel a need to do so because it fits our conception of what it is to be a good parent. I imagine these parents would trade the challenges our kids face for those of their son in an instant. Maybe it's something they dream about.

Here in wealthy New Jersey suburban nirvana, they probably commiserate as best they can when their friends talk about their kids struggling over which college to attend, the time and cost of soccer tournaments or trying to figure out how their son got it in his head he wants to be a Navy SEAL. While their two different universes collide at times, both filled with love, they remain separate, one with far more work and different hopes and expectations than the other. How well would you do in that other universe?

#parenting #disabilities

Rodney Warner is a freelance commercial writer. He's a former professional dishwasher, factory worker, reporter, paralegal, attorney and salesman who writes mostly website content for law firm websites.