What the Pandemic Taught Me about Being a Working Mom

Remember in 2017 when the video of the BBC correspondent and North Korea expert was hilariously interrupted by his kids on live television? It was novel at the time and went viral.

Now nine months into a pandemic, that’s just a Tuesday. 

On Wednesday, my two elementary-school-aged boys were wrestling on the floor beneath my Zoom mediation. On Thursday, unbeknownst to me since I hid self-view, my youngest Zoom-bombed a call with a senior colleague and a new client. And on Friday my youngest interrupted my court appearance by chasing off an alien invasion, also known as the dog, with a noisy, battery-operated lightsaber.

If there’s anything we working parents have figured out in 2020, it’s how to roll with it.

Initially during remote learning, life was … chaotic. Very little structure existed either in our line of work (as the courts tried to figure out motion practice and Zoom) and school since I don’t have the patience of a teacher (which is why I am a lawyer.) I was short-tempered, which built up resentment for my kids (yikes! I said it!), resentment for my work, and resentment for my husband who wasn’t peppered with “Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!” every minute from the kids. 

But working parents have learned to adapt, just like we always do. 

I am grateful that my law firm has always promoted the importance of a work/life balance, particularly encouraging attorneys to work from home when family requires it. Firm leadership wants to attract and retain A players, and A players want work and a life – and that sometimes means working nontraditional hours or in a different place to get the job done. That’s why our firm has so many female principals who are also moms – and its share of male principals who are engaged dads.  

I have major clients who demand attention, and I will knock it out of the park for them every time. I also have important clients at home who need protection from the alien invasion. COVID is scary enough, but those aliens!

I have decided to show myself some grace, too. During lunch break with the kids, I don’t check my phone because that causes anxiety and requires focus. Sometimes, I even physically put my phone in a drawer to hide it from my tendency to peek. If I cannot give my full attention to my child’s homework question because I’m on a call, I know better than to try and do both. I pause, mute myself, and politely ask him to come back. He may storm away (more often than not), but later I will give him my full attention; and hopefully years down the road he will not remember my momentary inability to be 100% mom while trying to be a 100% badass lawyer. 

Now, nine months later, employers, clients, and co-workers are in a groove. And we are all accepting, with grace, the challenges of living and working in today’s climate. Dogs are barking during depositions, the plumber next door is banging on the pipes, spouses are walking into the frame (hopefully clothed!), and children are busting through closed doors.  

If kids can forgive and forget (finger’s crossed!), working parents should also. Maybe this pandemic has allowed us to stop trying so hard to be superhuman. Maybe lean in less and laugh more. It helps!