What our new puppy taught me about leadership

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Welcoming a new pet into your life is so exciting. All of a sudden, there’s a new being in your home, often bringing smiles and chaos in equal parts. Having an animal companion is such a joyful experience, but it isn't without its complications and challenges. And when your new pet has puppy energy, all of that is magnified by at least two.?

We recently added someone new to our family, a sweet, hilarious, absolutely adorable puppy who we’ve named Betty, AKA Betty White. She’s wonderful, a certified good girl, but she’s still got a lot to learn! We’re happy to be her teacher, but we’ve also had to exercise a fair amount of patience and understanding along the way.?

Like any member of the family, your new furry (or scaly) friend has to learn the rules of the house, to play nice with their new siblings, and how to ask for what they need. When you think about it, it’s not unlike welcoming a new colleague or employee to your team. They need to get used to new rules and norms and learn how to work with their colleagues. They need to learn how to communicate what they need to a new leader — and we have to learn how to communicate what we need right back.

I’m not suggesting you think of those you work with as pets (though everyone does like a good treat now and then), but leadership lessons often come from unconventional places. Here’s what having a new puppy has reinforced to me so far.?

Adjust your expectations

If Betty were a meme, she’d be this one.?

We received the picture on the left from her breeder. Just look at that sweet face, those puppy dog eyes. “She’s perfect,” we thought. But while Betty is many things, she’s not perfect. It turns out that she is a shoe thief, with a fondness for paper towels, specifically ripping them up and spreading them all over the house. It’s a classic expectation vs. reality situation.?

Many leaders experience a similar situation at work. We bring in a new team member or begin a new initiative, with high expectations — sometimes too high. When our hopes of perfection aren’t met, it can be tempting to throw the whole thing out. But before you do, consider shifting your expectations. Reality is messy, and progress often happens more slowly than we’d like, but that doesn’t mean that idea or that person should be abandoned. Meet people where they are, and ask yourself if your idealistic expectations are actually achievable. Perhaps the methods aren’t effective, but the idea is right. So you try another approach. Progress can look like two steps forward, one step back — but that doesn’t mean you’re not getting there.?

Stay curious

When you’ve been in one place for a while, it’s easy to miss what’s right in front of us. Our neighbor’s beautiful garden blends into the background, and we barely even take notice of a new pup in the neighborhood. But Betty is new here — to our home and to the world. She greets every outing as if it’s the first time she has seen the world. She’s curious about everything. Every person, every dog, the wind, the rain, a rock… She notices what has become part of the wallpaper for me. It makes me smile, and it’s also an important reminder to remain curious and to embrace the fresh perspectives of others.??

When you feel things getting stale, take a page from Betty. Challenge yourself to look at a situation from another angle, or bring in someone new to offer their thoughts and ideas. Flip the script, and ask your team members how they view the initiative. It’s common to become complacent, especially when things feel secure, but curiosity will help take your leadership to the next level.?

Structure now will pay off later

It would be easy to just let Betty do whatever she wants, but we do so at our own peril. We’ve learned from our two other Golden Retrievers the power of the crate, naps, a schedule, and play time, and are trying our best to put it into practice yet again. That kind of structure will help Betty to be at her best. Without it, it’s pretty difficult to reinforce good behaviors.?

The same is true for leaders. Structure is what helps our teams and ourselves to perform at a high level, but I’m not talking about scheduling naps (though, on second thought…). For leaders, that looks like building a shared vision , a purpose, a set of values that unite teams and organizations, and how we are going to operate and hold each other accountable. When we are all on the same page about what we’re working toward and why, our chances of success go up exponentially.

Create followership??

Most people think leadership is all about leading the way, but that’s only partially true. We need to also create followership by finding what motivates others to follow our lead. With Betty, this is still a work in progress, as she seems to want to take us on a walk instead of the other way around. We are learning when to hold her close and tight for her safety and our sanity and when we can give her a little more rope. As she grows more independent and does better, we will give her a little bit more.?

No leader’s vision is possible if others don’t want to go along with it, and earning their followership will be slightly different for every person. It is our job to understand our teams as individuals, to show them the way, and to celebrate their successes.

Don’t get distracted by appearance and charisma?

Right now, when Betty has an accident, I say to her, “it’s a good thing you are so cute.” And she is, but it’s our job to make sure that her puppy dog eyes don’t keep me from helping her be her best. We know that the time spent teaching her and giving her guardrails will pay off when she’s bigger, and jumping up or darting away from us on a walk won’t be so cute. Early management will help us to lead later.?

At work, an individual’s appearance of competency or high charisma can make us feel more confidence in them than is warranted. If an underperformer is also a slick talker, that can blind us to real problems. As leaders, we have to learn to see what’s actually under the mask and step in when it’s necessary. No matter how charismatic the person, the performance is what should lead you.?

Ask for help

“It’s summer,” we thought. “We’ll have more time. We can do this!” Two weeks in, we’re looking for a trainer to help us teach Betty to heel and walk without pulling. We’re lining up a dog walker when our schedules call for us. My sister-in-law is coming to stay with her when we’re away. It takes a village.

Leaders are inherently responsible for others; it’s part of the gig. But that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. It’s not something that comes easily for most of us, but it’s much better to ask for help than it is to fall short because you tried to go it alone. When you’ve reached your capacity or are stuck in a problem without a clear solution, reach out. Your boss, your colleagues, leadership groups, your coach, your friends, your LinkedIn connections … You have more help at your fingertips than you realize. Don’t dismiss it when you need it.?

Bringing Betty White into our home has been a whirlwind of joy, chaos, and learning experiences. Every challenge is an opportunity for growth—for both Betty and ourselves. Reframing the hurdles in our personal and professional lives in the same way can help us — and our teams — survive and thrive through any adventure.?

I loved my conversation with Emily Jaensen on her podcast, Leadership is Female . Check out our great conversation here , and Emily’s new book, Let’s Go, here !?

The Mirrored Door: Break Through the Hidden Barrier that Locks Successful Women in Place is now available! Winner of the 2023 NYC Big Book award, it's the perfect gift for the professional woman in your life. Click here to get your copy!?

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