What Is On The Other Side?

The Other Side…

Much of social media is either, “look how great my life is” on Facebook, Instagram, etc. or keyboard terrorists tearing apart any and every little issue that now happens daily across the world. Real life is somewhere in between. That somewhere in between is the reality that we all have good days and bad days, even the most positive of us. I try to mostly (would love to say always, but that is not true) be a positive leader with my peers, my team and my boss -- but understandably we all have those days. Let me share what some of “those days” are like for me and my peers who deal with people every day.

Today, my blog is about and for my Human Resource professional peers (and quite frankly anyone who deals with people). I want folks to know that our profession (and journalists, people managers, police, fire, rescue, nurses, doctors, etc.) come to work every day to make things better for our employees and customers. And many days we deliver on that premise. In our profession we work toward building a better culture for our employees, better policies, better procedures, and better programs. Improving communication, transparency, efficiency, and effectiveness.  

And then there is the “other side”.  The side that is there to fix the problems of others, the side that listens with empathy, the side that delivers the bad news. In the last year (and over my career), I have dealt with too many employees trying to handle some very tough issues (many in their personal life - not at work) including: aging and dying parents, more than one employee rape case, multiple domestic abuse cases (and restraining orders), sexual harassment cases, mental illness issues and struggles, a carjacking, a few shootings near our buildings, an active shooter scare in our home office, an employee (less than one month) getting hit and killed by an Uber driver, and an employee suicide. And I am sure I missed many others.

I am not the only HR professional who deals with these issues. Many of us do. We are de facto counselors for our employees. It is mentally challenging some days. All these people need help in some form or fashion and some days we just feel helpless. Seeing domestic abuse cases and knowing how many of these end, breaks my heart. Watching mental illness wear on family dynamics and affect workplace performance is more prevalent than most realize. All of us facing aging parents/siblings issues and the tremendous costs associated with this, trying to help rape victims work through the trauma and get the counseling they need (let alone the legal assistance), working through the “why me?” piece of many acts of violence that happen to our employees/families on their way home from work (a carjacking), on their way into work (a mugging), on a weekend (the Uber incident), or even in their own home (domestic violence).  High stress and high needs.

Granted, we are not going through the trauma and stress of the people directly affected, but it does impact us. We do far too many investigations in our careers and they often turn up more than we want to know. I had one investigation ten years ago where the employee was dealing drugs from their office (another company) and when we investigated we found evidence of pedophilia and “how to” manuals on breaking and entering. The FBI was involved, and he was later arrested. Very disturbing (to this day). Or the countless number of junior employees who have been taken advantage of by external people of power (and internal people of power) in ways nobody should have to deal with. Life is not easy and for some it is an everyday battle.

Being there for our employees as they battle cancer taking away their life right before their very eyes, consoling employees when their favorite coworker collapses and dies from a heart attack at age 43, being the first to respond to an employee accident where the employee has been killed, taking the lead and calming employees when there may be an active shooter in your building. Not the things you learn in the Human Resource Guide for Dummies.

And then there are layoffs and lawsuits. The bane of our existence. We need to do layoffs they say (a sad corporate reality), “go see HR”.  Let me be clear on this statement. We. Hate. Layoffs. Been doing this for 30 years. I always tell my staff that if the day comes when layoffs do not bother you, then you need to quit. They suck – for all involved. Obviously for those impacted, but also for their peers (who often do not know what to say), for their bosses (who are attached and stressed over who will now do the work), their families (how will I pay for my bills?), etc.

And least I forget social media. One mistake and social media takes off like a wildfire. The mistake does not even need to be on social media. Think about a waitperson who messes up an order, one rude remark at a theater, or a dirty room at a hotel. We are quick to find mistakes (in others!). And social media let's us blast away saying things most of us would never say in person. A new world we live in.

So, for all the HR professionals struggling with the day-to-day stress. I have a few tips: do not try to please everyone, worry about only what you can control, avoid negativity and drama where you can, have a few peers/friends that you can use to discuss traumatic events, take care of your SELF.  Create time for you. Have passions, exercise, eat better (note I did not say eat right because we can all be better – and that chocolate cake is really good, btw), sleep more. Laugh more.

We need to be realistic about what we expect of our self. Chastising our self for something beyond our control won’t lead to anything, but more stress. At the same time, be honest about where you fall on the spectrum from people-oriented to business-oriented. Then strive to achieve a better balance between the two extremes.

Also, if your problems get too big, please seek help, especially if you find you are becoming depressed, or can’t control your emotions. Many of us will face and surmount our daily challenges, but for some of us, it will come at a cost, and that could be a very personal cost. PTSD is not something that you can leave at the workplace, it lives with you, and can cause depression and other serious mental health issues.

So, as a great HR professional, please try to be as good to yourself as you are to your employees. Your company will reap the benefits of a happier, healthier, less stressed-out you. And check in on your peers - whether at your current company, your old company or someone you met at a conference.

And if you are not an HR professional, please remember we have bad days too.

Together. We. Win.