What No One Tells You About Confidence – Why Confidence Isn’t Something You Have, It’s Something You Build (and Here’s How)

Confidence is often misunderstood as something we either have or don’t have. We look at others who seem to effortlessly exude it and think, “If only I could be like that.” But the truth is, confidence isn’t a fixed trait; it’s something you can build over time. It’s not about knowing all the answers or being perfect. It’s about having the belief that you have the capacity to learn and grow, no matter the situation.

The 3C Model - Courage-Competency-Confidence

Using my Courage-Competency-Confidence Model, I want to share with you the steps that helped me build confidence and grow it daily. It’s not a one-time thing, it’s a lifelong process.

1. Courage – The first step to confidence is courage. It takes courage to take that initial step, especially when you’re unsure. For me, this was especially true in my public speaking journey. I’ve always struggled with confidence, and for a long time, I tried to make myself invisible because I feared rejection and judgment. I also inherited cultural beliefs that held me back—“be humble,” “don’t rock the boat,” and “don’t be boastful”—and a deep fear of being seen. It’s taken a lot of courage to push past these beliefs and step into leadership roles, but the first key to confidence is simply showing up.
2. Competency – Once you’ve summoned the courage to act, the next step is building your competency. For me, this was developing my public speaking skills. I still remember when my brain felt like it had 1000 computer tabs open, and my thoughts raced faster than I could get my words out. Even now, I still feel that way sometimes when I’m facilitating groups, livestreaming, or speaking as a guest. But here’s what I’ve learned: it’s not about being perfect. It’s about continuously practicing, learning, and improving. The more I push through those nerves and take action, the more I build my skills, which in turn fuels my confidence.
3. Confidence – Confidence isn’t about knowing every answer or performing flawlessly. It’s about trusting yourself to figure things out and believing that you can handle whatever comes your way. It’s about being authentic and providing value, not trying to be perfect. Each time I speak, lead a group, or step into a new role, I’m reminded that confidence is built through action, practice, and the willingness to show up as my true self.

Courage Isn’t the Absence of Fear: It’s Acting Anyway

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that confidence doesn’t happen by avoiding fear. It happens by taking action despite the fear. I still get nervous before live streams and speaking engagements, but I’ve learned to say “yes” anyway. I’m constantly building my courage muscle, which in turn helps me develop my public speaking competency. Over time, I’m seeing my confidence build.

I had to realize that I was not in danger when I put myself out there. The feelings of fear and discomfort are just signals to grow, not threats to my safety. Building confidence is as much about learning to feel safe in your own body as it is about learning to speak up and take risks.

Why Confidence Is A Muscle You Build Over Time

Every time I take action, whether it’s speaking up in a meeting, leading a workshop, or facilitating a group, I’m building confidence. It’s a muscle that gets stronger with each step. The key is to keep saying “yes” to opportunities that challenge you, push you outside of your comfort zone, and help you develop the skills to become more competent. The more you do this, the more your confidence will grow. It’s all about showing up, being authentic, and trusting yourself.

Your Turn to Build Confidence

Confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It’s something you build over time, and it starts with courage. If you’ve struggled with confidence like I have, know that it’s okay to feel nervous, unsure, or imperfect. The key is to keep taking action. Show up. Take risks. And believe that you can learn and grow.

What’s one area where you’re ready to build more confidence? Maybe it’s public speaking, advocating for yourself, or taking on a new challenge. Whatever it is, remember that you don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be courageous and authentic. That’s where real confidence begins.

Let me know your thoughts!

?Hasta Pronto!

Ruby

P.S. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk more about how to build your confidence through my new signature transformational program, Woman Warrior Within.