What is that 'one' reason to hold on to relationships

We human beings are truly emotional creatures. We are so complex, we can feel love and hate simultaneously. For example, when someone breaks your heart, you don't stop loving them. You may hate them. Eventually, with time, feelings fade, but, as people like to say, "There will always be a special place in my heart for him." No matter how angry you are in the beginning, what usually remains are the nice thoughts, the history, the love. But we are scared of change.

Sometimes the scariest thing is something different. Not having someone in your life is not a simple decision, nor does it come with simple changes. You will not have an email waiting for you everyday when you wake up in the morning. You will not get phone calls or send texts. Changes like not waking up next to someone, sharing the rent, or being able to depend on someone can be daunting.

Also being scared of failures in life. A friend of mine recently confided in me that he was unhappy in his marriage. He is determined to stick it out though, sacrificing his own happiness, not just for his children, but because he refuses to fail. That's a powerful statement. Admirable too. Giving up on something as important as happiness for the sake of your family is incredibly brave. However, he is willing to be unhappy in his daily life because he could be perceived as a failure.

It is a fact that we thrive on dramabazi and some people just like "the drama." The gossip, the excitement. The yelling and screaming. There are people who consistently surround themselves with those kinds of people, or people who will react to those people. We all have that friend, who, if asked, "How are you," will go into a ten minute tirade about who hurt her feelings and who she told and what she said and why she's mad about it. These are not peaceful people. They like to be the center of attention, complain a lot and thrive on negative energy. If one thing didn't happen, they'd have nothing to talk about, and a toxic relationship provides a continuous supply of things to talk/complain about.

And we can't get out with out support. These are the serious situations. This is the abuse, verbal, mental and physical. The threats that you'll be hurt or get someone else hurt. The emotional games like terrorizing someone, destroying self-esteem and extreme jealousy. Pushing someone away and manipulation. This is shoving, hitting, slapping, pushing, screaming, breaking and smacking someone. There are people who can help. Find them. Get out.

Also we stay back for reasons we don't understand. We think we can fix and change and help. We believe we can give chance after chance and, "this time will be different." We want to love and be loved desperately, we sometimes stay at an extreme cost to our own happiness, sanity and safety.

Some want to believe that all the effort and love you put into any person isn’t just for nothing. We tend to hold on to things we put so much of ourselves into. In some toxic relationships typically you lose part of yourself to your partner. Putting yourself out there and falling flat on your face hurts. Sometimes we confuse the toxicity as passion. If he/she is mad at me, they care. If they raise their voice, they care. For example your ex tended to shut off all positive emotions when he was angry with me as a defense mechanism. He would just be angry and hateful, but I knew once he was over it he would be sweet again. Because he cared.

In some toxic relationships, it’s not all bad. There’s highs followed by crushing lows. As humans, we tend to cling to the good times and somewhat overlook the bad. For instance, right now your ex and yourself are working on getting to really know each other like we never did that in the relationship, and it was a big mistake and all one can think about is cuddling in bed and laughing at each other’s jokes, but one pushes the many nights one spends crying to oneself to sleep because of our relationship out of the head. Some nights you felt more lonely lying in bed next to him than you did lying in bed by myself.

It is really funny that you find that we hold on because we love them and it is so hard letting go of the things you love. We’re constantly told to do what we love and never give up working on the things we love, then why are we told to give up on the people we love? It’s like we’re conditioned to hold on to the things we are passionate about. And the drama in toxic relationships is both horrible and intriguing. Sometimes I just want him to forgive me and move on instead of fighting, but other times the fights turn into make up sex. We love drama. We watch it on tv, we read about it in books and magazines, we just love it.

But it is for sure that humans are complicated beings. Toxic relationships are complicated. I tell myself that not all relationships are like this. That there is better out there. It’s the constant battle between wanting better, but holding on to someone you love so much. At the end of the day, the reason we hold on to these relationships is because we love our partner. Love is both beautiful and devastating. It’s meant to be beautiful, let it be beautiful. I am starting to realize that holding on to something that hurts you is dumb. If it is meant to be, then it will be!! Tell yourself that. I hope you figure this out, I wish you the best and hope that you find your happiness. Stay blessed! #kishoreshintre #possessedbywritingspirit #ks900articles #proudtobeindian