What my wedding taught me about business

I get married this week. So, this is kind of a soft launch into my new name next week!

But last week, I had all the thoughts pouring down on me.

I dare you… read on.?

It’s Monday morning. I want to say I’m fired up and ready to crack into the week, smash goals, the glass ceiling and just crush it. The reality is, it’s 9:05am, I should have logged into my computer *at least* five minutes ago, my laptop alarm is still snoozing. I’m lucky my (almost???) husband is away flying because he would not be impressed that it has been snoozing, every 8 minutes, since 7:45am (I can’t be the only one, right?!)?

The day already feels overwhelming: I need to sort out some wedding ‘stuff’, I need to sort out some work ‘stuff’, I need to take the dog for a walk and I should probably go to gym OR to the supermarket to get food for the week; but honestly one of those last two things is going to happen.?

It’s at this point that I should clarify I’m not actively or passively procrastinating. I’m actually just spending time sitting in my emotions of overwhelm, trying to work out where to start. And let me tell you, when I start… hell hath no fury like a Lucy on a mission.?

Mia Freedman got me up.

Yep, you read it right. Mia Freedman got me up, logged into my computer and ticking off a few things on the to-do list. You see Mondays are the day that her No Filter podcast eps drop, and I live for listening to her very soothing podcast voice and the stories of her guests. But, I also listen to them during my Pomodoro working time (don’t worry, we will cover this another time) - so you can see my dilemma… I need to get going.?

Much like how my day felt overwhelming at the beginning, so too can wedding planning and so too can business. I realised as I worked through the process with my good old podcast gal pals in my ear, that weddings and business are actually more similar than I had imagined. But more than that, the lessons I had learned in each were transferable to the other.?

?Interested? Read on. Not interested? Give me the chance of another paragraph.?

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It’s about EQ not IQ

I thought about the vendors we hired. Why did we pick them? What made them stand out??My fiancé got it in one. When he talked about our photographer, he said to me “we hired YOU”.

What??

He said, “we picked Rachel because she lit up the room, she made everyone feel comfortable and [my favourite] she had a pink notebook with sequins on it”. And, he was right. We might have looked at five photos she had taken, I can’t even remember. But we hired her on the spot because of her EQ, not her skills.*?

We should do the same, in business, more. Hire people who give you a good vibe in the interview. You can teach technical skills, you can’t teach presence.?

And don’t come at me naysayers, I know what you’re going to say. All I’m saying is that best hiring practice should be about who is in front of you, not who is on paper.?

*Rachel happens to be an international award-winning photographer, see here: Awards & Press - Two Little Starfish. So,we got lucky with both EQ and IQ. Winning!

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People will make or break you

There are some real standouts in this process by the way: my mum, my sister-in-law, my hairdresser. These are the people that make up your community. They are your inner-circle, and they are there for the good and the bad, so pick them wisely.

The Wedding Mum: she is happy for you and proud of you, she knows just the type of things you have grown up wanting to have included in your day and she wants to be part of it. She always wants to surprise you with wisdom, gifts and sentimental tokens along the way. She’ll also reign you in, when you are getting pretty close to the “you’re becoming too much” edge. My mum is the best and I couldn’t have done it without her.

The Business Mum: they are the person who has your back, will advocate for you when you’re not in the room, but will equally pull you into line when you need it. They (annoyingly!) always know the right thing to say and do and they provide a safe space for you. You all know a figure like this.?

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The Wedding sister-in-law: she’s fabulous. She’s upbeat, she’s positive, she’s very special and she will do anything to make sure your day goes smoothly. She’ll probably be the calming presence you need, she will have the tampon, the hair clip and the safety pin for when you inevitably need it on the day.?

The Business sister-in-law: they make coming into the office worthwhile. They know your coffee order, they put their bag on the desk next to them so you can sit together. They have a spare pair of headphones for when you forget yours and need to take a meeting when there are no meeting rooms. If they left your work-space, there would be a gaping hole.?

The Wedding Hairdresser: they’ve been there through thick and thin, they’ve supported great life choices, they’ve tried to persuade you against bad ones (bangs anyone? Eek, I shudder) and they are there for you to feel powerful and to shine. If you’re lucky they’ll even teach you some pretty good life skills.?

The Business Hairdresser: usually comes in the form of a mentor. They aren’t in your network every day, but their impact is meaningful, noticeable and enduring. They’ll help you to build yourself and they’ll be there in the front row when you succeed, or fail; they’ll be there whatever the result.?

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These are the ones that make you. But there are ones that break you too. And they are equally important.?

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The one who can hack that the attention isn’t on them. Or the one that just can’t hack it. They suck, they bring you down and we make excuses for them time and time again. People will tell you, on their best advice, to eradicate these people from your life. But I disagree. These people teach us valuable life lessons that we need to learn. We learn about hurt, betrayal and disappointment. And then we learn that every decision is a choice; even choosing to do nothing is a choice. And you are always in control of your choices.?

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You can over research and get to much input?

You don’t need it all. You don’t need a champagne tower, you probably don’t need doves and you definitely don’t need beaded sunglasses that say BRIDE on the rims. But, research says you do. I mean, you have to do it if everyone else is, right???Ah the power of the marketer!?

Truth is, we do this all the time. We write proposals full of things we think people will want or will want to hear because “research tells us” that is the case.

You have to find your different. Your differentiator and what makes you or your firm special. I guarantee that “thing” isn’t the thing all the research is spouting. Sometimes you need to trust your gut, and just do it. Backed by research or not.?

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Money and financials are actually really important?

This maybe should be number 1, but have a budget and stick to it? Easy? HARD.?

The wedding spiel is, “it’s one day”, “you only live once”. Yeah, that’s true, but I’d like to not eat 2-minute noodles for the rest of my life, and I definitely don’t want to take out a loan for anything other than a house.?

In business, our clients are usually pretty clear on their budget, sometimes they’re clear on what they expect in that budget so if you’re going to ignore it, you better have a good explanation.

Also, sometimes that budget really is the maximum offer. There’s no more in the basket.

Equally, clients don’t shortchange firms: the skill and smarts that they are selling to you are expensive. In consulting, we (consensually) sell people’s time and smarts. If you want it, you need to pay for it, and it’s not cheap.?

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Some traditions do not need to be keep?

The garter toss for one. Ick.?

There’s a lot in business, but I’m going with an easy one… the days of the “boys clubs” are done. Done.?

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“It’s all about you, it’s your day” is a lie.

Someone this week told me that life is a team sport, so surround yourself with people who support you. I think that’s fab.

?Our wedding day will be perfect in every way, because I’m marrying my best friend after four cancellations, the biggest life delta that was COVID and because I just love him. I wouldn’t want the day to be about me, at the very least I’d want it to be about us. We didn’t elope or get married just the two of us over COVID because we wanted to share it with our friends and family. We wanted to see their smiles looking back at us as we made this life choice hand in hand.?

Business should be the same. You don’t win or lose work on your own. You win as a team and you lose as a team. and that is why we work in organisations and in teams. That is why we have Teams and Zoom to connect when we can’t be face to face. That is how we learn and grow.

Parting thoughts…

I’m in a privileged position because I really do love going to work with my teams and my level 29 buddies. I work for great Partners who are also great leaders, who have invested time in me to help me shine.?

I also know that my wedding is going to be terrific, memorable and a day worthy of all the effort that has gone into planning it.?

But mostly, for both my work and my wedding, I will always remember the people who were part of it. Because we never forget how we were made to feel. And people, make us feel.?