What My Teenage Daughter Taught Me About Happiness

My daughter came home from school the other day and told me about the new discovery she had made. She is 15, a freshman in high school, and really relates to the definition of the word “angst” that I recently taught her about. She is working through moodiness, changes in friendships, and has the typical teenage complaining feelings often. She wants to sleep and eat a lot, and her energy levels go up and down.

She is also so amazing, smart, resilient and wise. She sings and dances around the house and makes me laugh so hard. She is so enthusiastic about the things she loves and is the most determined person I have ever met. This was challenging when she was three for sure, and still can be sometimes, but it’s also one of the qualities I admire most about her. She is brave, confident and courageous and I often can’t believe that I created her.

So, back to the new discovery she told me about. Like I said, she is not perfect, and has always been strong willed. She has also always been very insightful and will surprise me with perceptions about herself, myself and the world. Her awarenesses remind me of the way we are all born knowing everything, we just have to go through the process of remembering and reconnecting to this collective wisdom.

Her most recent aha moment was this: “Mom, instead of being upset that my best friends aren’t in my classes, I just started making new best friends in the class. When I’m in the moment talking to them I’m happy.”

So, we all know this. This is the definition of an insight, something we all know on an intellectual level, but the insight happens when we have a felt experience of it. This is a deeper feeling, and allows us to integrate this new understanding into our being in a permanent way.

I listened to her talk for a while, and then let her know how wise and amazing I think she is and how proud of her I am. As a sweet, dramatic, moody teenager, I know this insight will drift in and out of her awareness, and I’m not expecting her to live blissfully in the moment forever now.

What I do feel is that this is a seed. She will come back to it forever, and it will continue growing over her whole life and it will help her. This is her soul, her intuition, the universe all conspiring to help her evolve in her consciousness.

The insight that she shared with me is one that is universal. If we could all remember to practice presence, life would be much more peaceful. We would not experience anxiety or depression, frustration, or disconnection. Our relationships would be much deeper and more fulfilling, because we would be more present and connected in them. If we were all in the moment all of the time we would also be more clear on what our purpose is and be taking more action towards it. We would be out of worried projections of imaginary fears thought up by our ego to keep us small. We would be free of worry about the past or regrets that keep us from moving forward. We would be clearer on who we truly are and why we are here.

This insight was not just about being present, it was also about enjoying and being excited about an experience. This practice of savoring the moment has been proven to change the neural structure of our brain. It grows new neural pathways, leading us to more permanently feel satisfied and at peace in the future. The more time we can take every day to consciously both be in the moment and focus on the enjoyment of it on purpose, the happier and happier our brains grow to be all of the time. How exciting!

The third layer of this lovely insight by my daughter was the connection piece. Humans are social creatures, we are born to connect. Not just with “best friends” or people we know well. With everyone! We are all one, made of the same stuff. Everyone has an interesting story, and approaching people with a sense of openness, compassion and curiosity can teach us so much about them, ourselves, and humanity as a whole. Connecting helps us to consciously evolve both individually and collectively.

Some easy ways to integrate these insights into your life every day are:

Stop Comparing and Be Present:

Instead of feeling negatively and comparing herself to her friends that were in different classes, my daughter decided to bloom where she was planted and create her own new best friends.

To integrate this, practice awareness of comparing or wishing thoughts like “I wish I was there instead of here” “I wish that was happening instead of this”. Shift these to looking for what you can appreciate in your current circumstances instead.

Get off social media if you find yourself in the comparison game. It is not helpful to look at other people’s amazing (fake) insta-lives and compare yourself to them. Instead, find ways to be happy in the moment you are in yourself, in your own real life.

Look for What You Can Enjoy in the Moment You are in:

Like my daughter started focusing on who else she could connect with in the class that she didn’t have friends in, there are always things you can be appreciating wherever you are and whatever you are doing.

Some times and places are easier to do this than others, but the harder ones can also be just a fun opportunity to practice.

For example, if you are in line at the post office. Appreciate the fact that we have a post office, it is kind of a miracle that we can send things to basically whoever and wherever we want. What are you sending, and how can you find something positive about it? What about the vehicle that brought you there, how cool that you have transportation!

Kind of silly examples but not really. There are always so many miracles to find all around us, as long as we are looking for them.

And remember, the more you practice, the easier it will be to find them in the future and happier and happier your brain will be!

Connect With New People:

Instead of shutting down in her class because her besties weren’t there, she decided to expand and be open to connecting with new people. This increased her happiness as well as the other person’s and the vibration of the class in general.

It feels good to connect. For sensitive empathic people it’s not always our first thought, but I challenge you to try just a little bit more than usual. Maybe it’s a tiny smile at someone in the grocery store. Or maybe a “how’s your day?” to a barista or coworker you may not usually talk to.

Everyone has a story and wants to be heard and connect, we’re just not always great at taking the first step. By experimenting with this just a little you will find how good it feels to everyone and how you are helping our collective evolution.

The more connected we are with different types of people, the more compassionate we become in general. Knowing people’s stories helps generate empathy, the feeling that we are all connected because we are.

These are not new concepts for all of us intellectually. I invite you to practice integrating them into your life to see how it feels. The more you feel the feelings generated by the practice you will be motivated to continue and spread the love to others as well.

It is a practice of remembering over and over again, and increasing your consciousness every time. I hope you have fun being in the moment, enjoying it, and connecting with others. Your soul will thank you!

Shana Olmstead, Intuitive Consultant

I see my life purpose as helping people to awaken to the truth of their divine nature, the powerful spiritual beings that they are. I have assisted hundreds of clients in my therapy practice to wake up to the understanding that we are all made of source energy, and are here to increase our consciousness and joy to help the evolution everyone on the planet. I am so excited and inspired to continue helping people through their own awakening! Contact me to schedule an appointment in person in Kirkland, Washington  or for a phone or video consultation wherever you are located.