What Is My Purpose? What Happens When High Performers Feel Defeated?
Ken Carlson
Experienced Executive Coach and Leadership Trainer with a knack for working with Geeks; Specializing in Engineering, Science, Math, and Medical.
She came to the coaching a bit nervous and excited. Wondering what she might discover about herself and worried what her leaders, colleagues, and reports had to say about her in a 360.
This is normal, I assured her. Our identity feels like it is on the line and so all the internal defenses are up. Plus we want to find out how we can break out of some of the things in our life or work that we know aren’t working for us. We want feedback…but at the same time we are scared…and in some ways we just don’t want to hear it.
Getting accurate about our reputation—or just getting accurate about our life and our work makes a difference. It’s not easy. Sometimes it is painful.
This is especially true for neurodivergent individuals. Whether it is ADHD, Dyslexia, or ASD, getting clear about the aspects of the way their brain works can be tremendously helpful. Each person is different and so really exploring ourselves is the key.
Back to my client—her 360 was as you would expect from a high-performer. Everyone praised her and saw her as a true contributor to the team. There were some tweaks in the way that she could show up—but they were just that—tweaks.
The response though was tears. Tears about how hard she was trying but still not getting it “right” and tears related to a bigger question: “Am I doing the work I really want to be doing in the world? What is my purpose?”
So much for us to unpack, and after our 360 session, we did one thing first—we got accurate about how much she was doing life well and the difference she was already making for so many people.
We then got underneath that purpose question. Looked at what really fulfills her. Helped her see the spots that she wanted to move forward, and frankly helped her see the areas that she needed to let go of making others happy.
After a few months of coaching, she’s on a path towards her purpose—which really is living her purpose if you think about it.
Sometimes we need to feel defeated to sit up, take notice, and do the things we need to do in order to create the life we want. This is true for all of us—and I’ve seen it make such a difference for clients.
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Past Articles: Neurodiverse Leadership Resource Library
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