What Most People Get Wrong About Feedback

Feedback.

It sucks and everybody hates giving and receiving it. But that’s not the worst of it. This is the first of a two-part post encompassing both the art and science of not only giving and receiving feedback but also the most overlooked factor in doing so. ?

In this post, learn:

1. What most people get wrong about feedback.
2. The real thing to focus on.

The Dentist Gambit:

I don't have an irrational fear of going to the dentist, but I realized something on a visit a few weeks ago. I wasn’t enjoying the typical small talk with the receptionist, the hygienist, or the dentist. In the absence of a toothache, all I really wanted to do was get my cleaning and then get out of there without an issue. I call this the Dentist Gambit.

Why Do We Really Hate Feedback?

The key to that last sentence was ‘in the absence of a toothache. When we are in pain, we want help. In every other instance, we all want the following three things for ourselves:

It's important to remember that without understanding these three human needs, the chance of feedback being effective is greatly reduced.

Focusing solely on micro-skills without also concentrating on the three broader macro-skills is like the tail wagging the dog. Even if a dentist studies and recites the best practices using the best feedback model, the reality is that I still have to come back to endure the painful process of getting a cavity filled.

(See more on micro vs macro skills in Part 2 of this series in my next post).

Let’s deal with each of these three items one at a time:

Helping People Succeed?

What’s the best way to enable people to feel the inner vindication and productivity of success? The answer is obnoxiously simple and only takes two steps:

1. Start small. Once you’ve aligned on the goal, work together to identify short-term tasks that use their strengths and move toward the goal.
2. Offer regular recognition, situational feedback, and support depending on their style, competence, and commitment.

Helping People Be Seen as Succeeding

Helping illuminate someone’s success involves not only supporting their actual success but also ensuring their achievements and efforts are recognized and valued by others along the way.

Here are a couple of my favorite ways to do this:

1. Provide the Stage to be Seen. As important as providing space for public recognition, it’s even more important to provide your recognition through skip level and cross-functional visibility.
2. Create safety for collaboration on the stage. A recent study found that “43 percent of highly engaged employees?receive feedback at least once a week compared to only 18 percent of employees with low engagement.

Although there should be at least 4-6 times more positive recognition than not, there is space on the stage for constructive criticism.?

Skip Levels Provide a Stage

Again, I will get into more tips on actually giving feedback in my next post. Like this topic, sign up for the next webinar: June 11th - The Communication/Trust Dichotomy.

Leaving Them Alone

The Dentist Gambit not only sheds light on the overarching attitudes towards feedback but also of change in general. Remember, people want to be left alone..and don’t resist change, but resist being changed.

This resistance stems from being put into a new situation where they will not know how to succeed (Notice the connection of the three items).?

But, when we imagine changing, we often think in extremes due to our friends ‘fear’ and ‘anger’. However, fear and anger are terrible predictors of what will actually happen. In fact, the likelihood of them being accurate is very low especially when receiving direct feedback.

The key is to alleviate this fear. And the easiest way to do so is to SHOW people how to succeed.?

What Else?:

Here are my favorite recent communications:

Quote: Adam Grant:

“Ignoring feedback limits learning, but accepting it can compromise authenticity. Not all criticism is equally constructive. A key to growth is to separate the wheat from the chaff. The most useful feedback comes from knowledgeable sources who are trying to make our work better.”

Article: The Importance of Timing in Impromptu Communications

Crazy Fact: 96% of employees say getting regular feedback is a good thing. Employees who receive recognition from management are 69% more likely to do better work. 64% of employees say their workplace has an employee feedback program. 41% of employees have left a job because they felt they weren't listened to.

Book:? Dave Goggins: Can’t Hurt Me

What’s Next:

Two things:

1. If you like this topic, I am going to start offering free webinars. The first is on June 11th - The Communication/Trust Dichotomy. More details coming in the next week.
2. The next post will be the second in this series and get into the ‘how’ of giving feedback.

Please share and let me know your comments here!