What Most Leaders Get Wrong About Giving Feedback

Most leaders have a misconception about what effective feedback should look like. Too often leaders mistakenly have a mindset that the central action in providing effective feedback is TELLING others how their behaviors either need to be developed, changed, or stopped to improve their performance. The key skills for effective feedback conversations are ASKING QUESTIONS and LISTENING.

Leaders need to move from one-way to two-way feedback conversations. Making the shift to leading through questions when providing difficult feedback creates an environment where employees feel valued, empowered, and motivated to improve their performance. Very rarely is the feedback that needs to be shared so critical or urgent that it justifies not taking time to ask questions and listen.

Effective feedback conversations require a balance ASKING and TELLING.

3 TYPES OF QUESTIONS FOR SUCCESSFUL FEEDBACK CONVERSATIONS

1.     Questions for Understanding the Situation

After introducing the situation or issue, the leader should transition to asking questions to better understand the employee’s perspective of the situation. Taking time to ask questions demonstrates that the leader understands they don’t have all the information and allows them to uncover insights, perspectives, and challenges before deciding what feedback is necessary. Below are some examples of questions that leaders should ask employees before providing their feedback perspective.

• How do you feel that situation/project/interaction went?
• What do you think went well? What do you think could have been improved?
• What would be helpful for me to understand about this situation? 
• What challenges were you encountering? 
• Can you give me an example of that?

The best-case scenario is that the employee is aware of the behavior that needs to be addressed and takes ownership of the need to adjust or change their behaviors or approach. If when listening to the employee’s responses it becomes evident that they are not aware of the issues or the negative impact of their behaviors, then it is time for the leader to provide their perspectives and feedback to help the employee become aware of their blind spots.

Taking time to ask questions before providing feedback doesn’t stop leaders from being direct and holding others accountable; it just means that they choose to understand other views so they can be more informed and accurate when sharing their feedback.

2.     Questions for Creating Solutions

Once there is a shared understanding about the issue, many leaders make the mistake of jumping directly to sharing their solutions for how the employee should improve or resolve the issue, taking on full responsibility for the problem-solving.

When providing difficult feedback, the leader needs to take time to ask the employee solution-oriented questions, which gives the employee permission to be an active participant in the problem-solving process. By asking the employee about their ideas, insights, and ideas for action, the leader helps the employee to regain feelings of autonomy, relatedness and competence that are foundational for ongoing motivation and well-being.

Below are some examples of questions leaders can use to move their employee into a forward focused solution space.

• How would you suggest moving forward?
• What are your ideas for next steps?
• What do you feel needs to happen next?
• How can we work together to make progress?
• How can I best support you moving forward?

3.     Questions for Clear Accountability

There is nothing more frustrating for leaders to have an effective feedback conversation and then - SILENCE. The leader has no awareness of how the employee is taking action or making positive advancements to address the feedback they received. More often than not, this perceived lack of urgency and follow through by the employee is because the leader has not done a good job of creating clear and explicit agreements for next steps, timelines, and ongoing communication. Below are some questions that help leaders generate clear accountability for action and updates.

• What are your next steps?
• When do you feel these will be completed?
• How will you keep me updated on progress?
• How will we know if you are successful in addressing this situation?

Leaders often fall into the trap of believing that if they ask questions when providing difficult feedback they might lose control or won’t be able to convey a clear message for necessary behavior change. The truth is, asking questions during feedback conversations helps leaders create an environment for shared understanding and trust. Taking time for questions and listening enables leaders to have greater insight into how to best deliver their difficult messages, create clarity on next steps, and to establish accountability. Two-way feedback conversations allow employees to take the lead role in advancing their professional development and establishing behaviors that will increase their performance. 

--------------------

About the Author: Tony Gambill is the CEO of ClearView Leadership, an innovative leadership and talent development consulting firm helping executives and managers bring their best leadership self to their most challenging situations.