What Men Might Ask Themselves In This Time Of Me Too

Now is an inspired time to be a man. Our culture is starving for men that have the courage to explore their inner life; to own their shortcomings, acknowledge mistakes, host discomfort, avoid lashing out and blaming others, and find within themselves emotional balance so they can bring this into a turbulent world.

What the Me Too movement is demonstrating to me is that humanity is poised to support men who are willing to look within and come to grips with their creative and destructive qualities.

As human beings we have within us all manner of psychological contradictions; gentleness and violence; love and hate; strength and vulnerability; elation and depression; etc. We also carry an inborn faculty for love, warmth and relatedness, something that helps us host and tolerate these contradictions. It is known as Eros.

Eros is like the sunlight that shines equally on saints and sinners. With it we become better able to be with inner experiences exactly as they are, without needing to discharge the painful ones onto someone else. Eros helps us reconcile inner psychic oppositions so we feel more whole. And more emotionally balanced.

We can cultivate this by making elements of our shadow more conscious; we learn how to become curious, open, accepting, and loving towards those parts of ourselves we don’t like and have disowned. To make sure others don’t see these parts we wear a mask of self-protection, our persona. The questions below are designed to assist in getting a glimpse behind the mask.

The critical point is that grappling with inner contradictions, and not solving them, is what distinguishes the man of wisdom and compassion. This process is never completely realized, but lasting change is possible for the man who is willing to make a sincere effort.

With patience and humility he will no longer need to act out his inner insecurities and rage on others. Instead, he will be working on them at the only place that really matters- inside himself.

Questions to begin the journey;

·  What parts of me were acceptable to my father? To my mother? What parts of me were unacceptable to both of them? How do I feel about these things now?

·  How was a man defined in my family? How did this affect the women?

·  How was a woman defined in my family? What was acceptable? What was taboo?

·  Underneath this character armor I have erected, who am I really?

·  What parts of myself are the hardest to accept? What do I do to avoid facing these parts?

·  What do I imagine would happen if another person really knew me?

·  What do I do when I don’t get what I want? How does it affect those around me? Am I willing to make other choices?

·  When I am alone with myself and honestly reflect on my interactions with others today, what does my conscience say?