What it means to be a parent.

I went to Swaziland this weekend with friends to go visit family. I've been there once before in 2018 for a wedding that my friend invited me to. I fell in love with how I was received as it is quite daunting that you have not been officially invited and basically gate crashing.

Not with this family though. The warm smiles and them welcoming me into their home were heartwarming and touching. We immediately gathered around the small kitchen table, even though there were bigger areas to congregate, but that is where the heart lies.

This time was different in the surprise and pleasure to see me as it was no longer just a friend of their niece it was now so much more intimate. We literally swooped in for a sleepover as my friend saw someone that looked like her uncle and wondered how he was doing. Her hubby then suggested they pack an overnight bag and go see how he is doing.

The thing that stood out about the weekend was how we as parents live through our children. The father was trying to contact the children to come to visit in order to reconnect with the cousins. The frustration of not being able to get hold of them was clearly felt with the energy in the room.

My parenting skills.

It made me think about how I am as a parent and how I can struggle to get hold of my daughter and how I am with my mother. We shy away from our parents as they have this benchmark of how they want us to turn out as these perfect little humans. Stories that my mom tells me about our family and the people in the old age home confirm that even more and let alone other people I know.

Why do we think we own our children and that they need to do as we say because of our past experience? That we know better and can safeguard them to make better choices and be more successful? Yet we as parents are still making mistakes and paying for our choices.

When my daughter could comprehend what life is about I told her that she did not pop out with a manual. I asked her forgiveness at a very young age and told her I truly do not know what the hell I am doing. To this day she will tell people about that story and it made me realize over and over again that children appreciate when you can show your vulnerability and that we do not have all the answers. Sadguru explains it perfectly in the video I included about how toxic we are when we become parents.

Conclusion

The best gift we can give our children is to allow them to be themselves. To stop thinking we know better and justify it by saying it is only from a place of love. I truly believe it is a place of ignorance. We study so much in life to succeed in work but never about how to take care of children.

We are only a gateway for children to get to earth to have their own experiences and expansion. I have learned a lot from my daughter and I have no qualms to go to her for advice.

The truth is I do get frustrated with her as she does with me but there is a mutual respect and love that comes with it knowing we are trying our best with each other.

Being a parent is hard and even harder to break free from the generational curses of parenting that are on our shoulders when that tiny human lands in our laps. Let us try and change it and the freer you make them I believe the freer we become ourselves.

Remember.

Everyone is doing their best with the resources they have. Always extend grace to yourself first.

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