What it means being in your 40s ?

They say 40 is the new 30; I don't exactly know what that means.. but society dictates that on or before 40, you should have...

1. Your own home - well, yes and no. Yes, if that meant not living with your parents anymore (assuming they are still alive lol!).

But this doesn't necessarily mean you need to have home you "own". Times have changed, they say, about the concept of owning a property, or a home. My generation see this as a "must have" in order to say that we have achieved something. Even I am looking at this as a way to have something for my children once I have moved on (something for them to inherit).

However, the Millennial generation isn't really keen on owning a house. At best, they would want to have a condominium unit, but that's it. In fact, studies show that the generation now are more keen on gaining "experiences" through travel and not really focused on saving and preparing for the future. Part of it, I guess, is the changing pace of society here there is constant improvements and enhancement of things.. that nothing stays the same (think, iPhones changing every year). Fortunately or unfortunately, the generation now are more interested in keeping up with that pace.

2. Your own car - Two words. Uber and Grab. Why pay for your own car, when you can change cars every trip. And it's cheaper than getting a cab.

3. A high position in the company - there is no decline on people's interest to move up in the corporate ladder. In fact, more people now are aggressive in moving up, resulting to some of them starting their own business (ie. CEO right after graduation).

However, people like me have come to appreciate two things related to this:

a. Your job title doesn't put food on the table, it's how much your earning.

b. Where you are in the company is dictated not just by your own efforts, but by other things like:

     b.1. How your boss sees you?

     b.2. What's the point of you being promoted?

     b.3. Does the company really, really...really need to promote you?

     b.4. How will your peers, friends react with your promotion?

This is reality. People and organizations are extremely sensitive now to perception that they make decisions (good or bad) based on this. Until all the answers to the questions above (plus, more) lead to your promotion, don't expect it to be happening soon.

This, though, does take a bit of time to accept as reality. Especially after putting a lot of effort with the hopes of getting this promotion. But you also need to understand what comes with a promotion: higher pay (+), more work (-), less time with family (-), more eyes on you (-), etc.

If you like the challenge (ie. exhaustion) that comes with a promotion, then continue to work towards it. Let that remain as your goal. But for other people who strives to make a "real" work-life balance, they are usually happy where they are in the organizational chart of a company.

If I am to set standards on what a person should have on or before they turn 40, it would be the following:

1. Clear direction in life - you've gone through different ups and downs in your first 40 years, and this has transformed you to how you are now. This should be more than enough to give you the clearest understanding on how you will lead the next 30-40 years of your remaining life.

2. More time with your family - I hear people say that they slow down at work once they hit 40. My personally take is you should not, though I now understand what this actually means. It goes back to my point about being able to have a "real" work-life balance.

You have been working and grinding for more than 40hrs a week and the time you spend with the family is mostly when you are sleeping. And yet, when you wake up you still feel exhausted. I see that as people reach the age of 40, they come to this realization and are making adjustments to give more time back to their families.

Obviously, if you have been working long hours in the office for the past 5 years and you suddenly start going home as soon as the clock strikes 5:00pm, people will think that you have slowed down. However, in reality, you're actually just going home at the time that you should. It's just that people see you working late in the office.

3. Appreciate what you have - and in no means I am saying to not plan for something bigger. What I am saying is, don't be a sore loser in life. So what if your friend has a new car? Who cares if your son's classmate has a bigger house? It is interesting that people are fueled by this jealousy (whether we admit it or not).

This is a driving force that makes us wanting to work hard, sometimes, at the expense of our family. Does this mean you should no longer be competitive in the office? That's solely up to you.

I believe that there are people who are built to compete and there are those who are not. Know who you are and stick with it. Reality is, you cannot get everything you want. Things will not always go the way you want them to be. If you allow the forces of nature put the pieces together based on the time and moment it needs, then you are releasing yourself with unnecessary burdens we have been carrying during our 40 years of existence allowing us to only focus on what is in front of us.

4. Know yourself by then - and I mean EVERYTHING about yourself. If you still don't know who you are and you are about to hit 40years old, you need to work double-time on your soul searching and self discovery.

Knowing yourself (your entire self) by the age of 40 allows you to put your energy where it matters to you as a person, whether it's your family, your job, your hobbies, etc, and when you are able to do this, then the first three things I mentioned subsequently follows and everything falls into place perfectly.

I wonder, then, what does it actually means when people say, "life begins at 40"?