What It Means To Be 40 and Sober

Two weeks ago, I turned 40.

In two weeks, I will be five years sober from alcohol.

What have I learned?

1. To keep going.

Sobriety is not an end, but a beginning. I wrote last time about the many vices I have that have replaced alcohol or helped me numb. I struggle with chronic anxiety and am often looking for something to take the edge off. Sometimes that "thing" is considered healthy and other times it's not.

2. To listen.

There are so many different types of trauma and we all experience one type or another in varying degrees. We can respect the experiences of others without minimizing our own and we can learn from the wisdom of others if we simply take the time to listen.

3. To recognize the differences of others.

Not everyone is like me.

I just had a conversation with a friend in which we talked about feeling relieved once we had a diagnosis or "belonged" in a group. Other people feel the complete opposite. They don't want to be put into a group. I never realized that and simply assumed everyone wanted to belong the way I did.

4. To love myself.

Oh, this is the biggest. The most significant.

This journey has taught me how to love and honor myself. How to relate with myself. How to talk to myself. How to comfort myself.

I think so much of addiction is wrapped up with not knowing how to love ourselves. It's wrapped up in shame and disappointment and -- frankly -- inability. We can't do what we aren't taught, and so many people who end up addicted haven't received the support necessary to learn how to love themselves.

5. To pay attention.

It's so easy to walk through life blind to what's around us.

Stop.

Look around.

See other people.

It will change your life.

About First and Sober

First and Sober is about living life with presence. For some, that means first getting free from the hold alcohol has on their lives. For all, it means getting real about living each day wide awake and on purpose. If you believe you have a problem with alcohol you can't overcome on your own,?please reach out for help.