What Is Me? Inner Search for True Self and the Struggle to Display It.

Drifting into my mind at 3 am, the thought "whatvis me?" was typed groggily into my phone notes and left there for the next day. I knew in my sleeping state I needed to write it down, lest I forget.

What is me?

Over the last few weeks, I found myself lost in ego. In doubt, in anxiety, and constant stress - Am I doing this correctly?? It didn't matter what it was. I questioned it and second guessed myself. With a face to show for Linkedin, Instagram, work, personal life.. I started to feel lost. Who was I anymore?? I just wanted to be me.

I just wanted to be me.

There are times and places that call for different versions of ourselves. Some being business, or the lover, mother, father, caretaker, friend..The list goes on. Then we have our social media presence on top of all that. We must not only distinctively have all of these roles.. but we must portray each of them in the best light possible, lest the whole world judges us.

Then we forget what it's like to be wholesome. To laugh without a like or take pictures of our children merely for our hearts and memories.

We want the boss to see us at our best, we want the world to know we're doing this and that and that we are important. Anxiety and sleepless nights do not come from blue light. It comes from the pressure to always be "on" because it's not Big Brother who's watching. It's our friends, our family...the whole world. We want to shine for that.

But who are we? Between the best mom and the best teacher and the best doctor on the internet?

I found myself fighting for the answer.

The truth is - We are all of these things. And none of them. You cannot have one without the other. But if you are not genuine in your pursuit of each - you will lose what you feel is the inner you.

Because they are not separate. Because they are unique and intertwined and beautiful and flawed in their own way. When we nit-pick and edit and change and correct to make each of them fit a mould, we are essentially blocking what is our true essence. The spirit needs to breathe. It needs to have freedom of expression. Unexpressed souls leave creativity pent up in the body, which causes stress, anxiety, weight gain, feeling lost...

How do we allow that energy to escape us? How do we fight the ego that wants to compete and be seen?

We let it.

We let it show us what it wants. We pause before speaking, before acting, before eating. Practicing the art of presence and mindfulness, even just once a day can bring to light the true intentions for our actions. Asking these questions, whether doing an activity catered towards business or pleasure can help determine whether your heart is there or just your ego.

What is my intention? Am I providing value or posting for attention?

What will my readers/viewers/teammates get out of this?

Is there value for everyone?

Does this need to be said/done/announced?

Does this benefit the other person, or just me?

You will know by gut reaction what the true answers are when you actually start to ask them.

Does this mean we have to give up each of our personalities or personas? That we simply blend all of them together and create one big personality-smoothie?

Not at all.

When you start to question intention and acting through spirit (as in, what your genuine self has to offer) you will keep each of these roles, but notice the guard for each falling away.

If you can learn to master being genuine in each of your personas, you will find you've captured the "true you" and will be able to fluidly transition when necessary.

You focus less on yourself, and more on what you can offer by creating yourself.

When you're genuine, people can relate to you. Being genuine attracts admiration because inside we all seek familiarity, self-assurance, and to feel understood. Except they won't be just admiring, they'll be connecting, contributing, and growing with you.

During any given point in time you may weave in and out of what is your "inner-self" - But when you feel yourself slipping away, remember that soul is always with you, ready to bring you home once again.

#Namaste

Elise

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