What Matters Most

There is an election in two weeks, in case you didn’t already know! Many have already voted, perhaps eager to tune out the noise, but stay with me because this isn’t an endorsement of a candidate or any issue you will see on a ballot.

This is the fifth presidential election I have voted in, and I have never seen so much contempt in politics. It amazes me how amplified our disagreements have become. On all sides, I keep hearing doomsday predictions about what will happen if the “other side” wins.

In other words, what I hear is fear driving decisions that sound like imperatives. We MUST prevent this thing or save that thing. I can’t get more specific without losing people, because we are so divided, but you know what comes to mind for you. Or perhaps a neighbor or family member.

I like to sit on my front porch to read and meditate. Not only is it away from the kids and their chaos inside and in the back yard, but it also helps remind me what hangs in the balance in the way I influence my community. Often I see neighbors and wave or exchange greetings, but lately I often notice little signs of division. Flags or signs for candidates, from national races down to local city council.

The city council election is interesting because I got to meet and talk to both candidates myself. There are not party affiliations in the race, so I had no preconceived judgements or expectations. Both are great people with a passion for doing the best thing for our city, but very different visions of what that looks like. But if I’m not careful, it would be easy to take sides. Draw hard lines in the sand, define positions for “us” and “them” and go to battle over who is right and who is wrong.

Without keeping open lines of communication, we might not be able to understand how anyone could be on the other side of our right thinking. Those yard signs could polarize and divide neighbors in a bitter fight, one that will have a winner and a loser. The truth is, the winner will influence the direction of our community for the next few years. But how I act toward those I disagree with will become a permanent part of my story that stays with me for the rest of my life.

The same is true of bigger races. Having listened to the candidates’ words and observed their behavior, I know how I will cast my one vote, but most likely my one vote won’t determine who wins. I don’t know who will emerge victorious, only that I am surrounded by people who disagree with me. Depending on your perspective there are big setbacks at risk, but they are only big when fixated on this chapter. What matters MOST is the character I develop in my small role in the larger story. 

My kids need to see me model grace and humility with those I disagree with FAR more than they need to see it modeled by elected officials. Whether I voted for them or not, I am not accountable for their attitudes or actions, only my own. What matters MOST is how I conduct myself in the heat of disagreement and regardless of the outcome. 

There are some leaders with good character who are not conducting themselves honorably and respecting those who oppose them. We can and should hold elected leaders accountable to acting honorably with our votes, because our values should influence our decisions. But it is more important that we act with honor ourselves, especially with those who disagree with us. What matters MOST is that we keep encouraging the trajectory toward the ideal of honor. 

One thing I am certain of is that diversity of thought is worth fighting for. In any situation where we find ourselves surrounded by people who think like we do and agree with us, we are in danger of losing perspective, feeling sure we are right and those who disagree are wrong. What matters MOST is giving others permission to believe we are wrong without condemnation or contempt.

No matter the issue or candidate, the victor ultimately has little bearing on the bigger story of our nation or our lives. When our stories are told they will likely mention 2020 and these events that will become defining moments in our lives. But not the events themselves, rather the legacy we wrote about our own character by how we conducted ourselves in this season.

If I am honest with myself about what really matters most, how I vote and the outcome of the election is not nearly as important as how I treat those who disagree with me. What love requires of me is not defending an issue or a candidate, but defending the right of others to believe I am wrong without judging them.

Our personal legacies are being defined right now, not by how we vote but by how well we honor those we disagree with. What matters most is that we write a story we are proud to tell, regardless of circumstances outside of our control. 

Andy Stanley has a new book just released today that talks about 5 questions to ask to make better decisions and end up having fewer regrets. Appropriately, the book is titled “Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets”. I have heavily leaned into two of Andy’s questions: 

The Legacy Question: What story do I want to tell? I will write a story I’m proud to tell one decision at a time.

The Relationship Question: What does love require of me? I will decide with the interests of others in mind.