What makes receiving feedback so difficult?

First, sometimes we receive feedback from unskilled givers. Someone who thinks that they are being honest but are unkind and brutal in delivering it. That leaves us often with this perception of unfairness. What can help here is, approaching the feedback with an open mind; considering the perspective of the person giving the feedback and trying to see things from their point of view. This can help you appreciate the validity of the feedback, even if it initially feels unfair and unskilled.

Second, we are not sure of the intent of the giver. If this person is someone we do not know well or not much trust is established in this relationship.?

What usually helps me, if I am in this situation, is the kind of self-talk that says: "there must be something valuable for me to take away from this”.

And thirdly, because we might be taken off guard and not prepared to receive it, which is very different from when we are giving feedback - we have prepared and thought it through (hopefully) what we would like to say. Remember: you have the right to set your own boundaries! Check in with you if you are ready to receive and say NO if someone approaches you with unsolicited feedback if it is not the right timing or you are not in the right mindset.?

Besides these, there are also other internal elements that make receiving feedback difficult:

Fear of Failure or Rejection: sometimes we take feedback as a personal attack or criticism. If we shifted the mindset to think that it is actually an opportunity for growth so as we get to know our blind spot, learn and improve and not as threats to our self-worth - it might make receiving a little easier. And also try to separate your identity from your work or other things that you do - see it as input on specific tasks or behaviors. This can make it easier to accept constructive criticism without feeling personally attacked.

Emotional Reaction: there might be strong emotions associated with receiving feedback. I find it important to give ourselves time to process the feedback before responding. If you're feeling emotional, take a step back and revisit the feedback when you are calmer. This allows you to respond more thoughtfully and constructively.

Unwillingness to Change: finding ourselves in righteousness and resistance to take anything in. When you catch yourself in these moments, reflect on the feedback and consider the potential benefits of making changes. What if 2% of what was said is true? How would that serve you in your growth?

Overemphasis on Negative Feedback: remember how our brain only sticks with the negative feedback? If the giver has said ten wonderful things about us, we bother only for that one area for improvement. Do you relate? What I would suggest is: first take a breather, be with the negative and see it in the big picture. What would be possible if you actually addressed it and improved it? How would you be different? What would the impact be? If that doesn’t help, balance the negative feedback with the positive aspects. Acknowledge your strengths and achievements while addressing areas for improvement. This balanced perspective can help you maintain a more positive outlook.

Remember that feedback is an essential part of personal and professional growth. Developing a mindset that sees feedback as a valuable resource for improvement can make the process of receiving and acting upon feedback more manageable. Additionally, seeking feedback regularly and proactively can help you become more comfortable with the process over time.