What Makes It Lonely At The Top?

Lonely Happens Fast!

Most have heard “It’s lonely at the top”. The saying originates from William Shakespeare’s Henry IV: "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown."

I never got to wear a crown (but it does sound fun for a day!). The loneliness hit me as soon as I was promoted to a position in the coveted C-Suite. I instantly lost my peer group and I was no longer part of a traditional team.

In an instant upon being promoted to a position in the coveted C-Suite I lost my peer group and I was no longer part of a traditional team.

Yes, you have fellow colleagues in the C-Suite. And while you are all in it to win it for the company, each leader has their own functions to run, their own agendas (not a bad word), and their own distractions. In my case, these leaders were also my internal customers which added another layer of complexity. It’s neither good nor bad, only a nuance that I didn’t contemplate in advance.

The role of the leader is not to befriend everyone on your team, your colleagues, or your customer base. Leadership requires a demeanor of professionalism, competence, confidence, and optimism with these stakeholders, regardless of what may be happening inside you on a given day.

But everyone has a bad day, week, or month and needs to confide in someone. Your spouse, family, and friends won't always understand the pressures, the full context of a situation, or have the attention span and patience to meet your needs.

Making It Less Lonely

Much has been written on the importance of building your own support system, a close network of allies, and the concept of having a personal board of directors. A place where you can share openly and receive unbridled constructive feedback on the specifics of your journey and challenges as a leader.

I became a believer in this approach out of necessity and I wish I had understood the dynamic sooner.

I was about three years into the job before I realized I needed someone besides my spouse, colleagues, and social acquaintances to talk to. I noticed there were several female leaders in similar roles in the city where I worked. I decided to schedule a lunch meeting, and we began to get to know each other. Everyone was cautious at first, but over time we relaxed and the lunches progressed to drinks and dinners.

The group morphed a little in the beginning due to personal and work commitments. But over time it settled into a core group of six women leaders who could explore ideas, share frustrations, and exchange perspectives in a confidential setting with people who understood each other. We named ourselves “Leading Ladies” and we still meet every holiday season to catch up.

There are other ways to mitigate the inevitable loneliness at the top. Executive Coaching for example. I am a big believer in the power of coaching and I am a certified coach. I'll share more of my perspective and experiences with coaching in another article.

If you want to learn more about isolation and loneliness in the workplace, here is an article that explores the topic more broadly. Forbes Is It Truly Lonely At The Top?

Share Your Tips

What steps have you taken to manage the loneliness at the top? Please share your tips on LinkedIn.

Resources

Naz Beheshti (2018), Is It Truly Lonely At the Top, Forbes, https://www.forbes.com/sites/nazbeheshti/2018/09/26/is-it-lonely-at-the-top/?sh=38299b3869c5

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