What Makes a Good Listener?

Good listeners actively endeavour to understand what others are really trying to say, regardless of how unclear the messages might be. Listening involves not only the effort to decode verbal messages, but also to interpret non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and physical posture.

Effective listeners make sure to let others know that they have been heard, and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings fully.

You also need to show to the person speaking that you’re listening through non-verbal cues, such as maintaining eye contact, nodding your head and smiling, agreeing by saying ‘Yes’.

By providing this feedback the person speaking will usually feel more at ease and communicates more easily, openly and honestly.

Listening vs. hearing

Hearing is an accidental and automatic brain response to sound that requires no effort. We are surrounded by sounds most of the time.

For example, we are accustomed to the sounds of cars, construction workers and so on. We hear those sounds and, unless we have a reason to do otherwise, we learn to ignore them..

Hearing is:

• Accidental
• Involuntary
• Effortless

Listening, on the other hand, is purposeful and focused rather than accidental. As a result, it requires motivation and effort.

Listening, at its best, is active, focused, concentrated attention for the purpose of understanding the meanings expressed by a speaker.

Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body.

In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.

Listening is:

• Focused
• Voluntary
• Intentional

Verbal and non-verbal signs of active listening skills

It’s a horrible feeling talking to someone and realising that they are not really listening.

There are some simple steps you can take to let the speaker know you are actively listening, such as asking relevant questions, positive body language, nodding and maintaining eye contact.

Non-verbal signs of active listening

The people are listening are likely to display at least some of these signs.

However these signs may not be appropriate in all situpositve actions asking and across all cultures.

Smile - small smiles can be used to show that the listener is paying attention to what is being said or as a way of agreeing or being happy about the messages being received.

Combined with nods of the head, smiles can be powerful in affirming that messages are being listened to and understood.

Eye Contact - it is normal and usually encouraging for the listener to look at the speaker. Eye contact can however be intimidating, especially for more shy speakers – gauge how much eye contact is appropriate for any given situation.

Combine eye contact with smiles and other non-verbal messages to encourage the speaker.

Posture - can tell a lot about the sender and receiver in interpersonal interactions. The attentive listener tends to lean slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting.

Other signs of active listening may include a slight slant of the head or resting the head on one hand.

Distraction - the active listener will not be distracted and therefore will refrain from fidgeting, looking at a clock or watch, doodling, playing with their hair or picking their fingernails.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate.    

Thank you …Verbal Signs of active listening

• Positive Reinforcement - this can be a strong signal of attentiveness, however too much use can be annoying for the speaker. Occasional words and phrases, such as:
• ‘Very good’, ‘yes’ or ‘indeed’ will indicate that you are paying attention.
• Remembering - try to remembering a few key points, such as the name of the speaker. It can help to reinforce that what is being said has been understood. Remembering details, ideas and concepts from previous conversations proves that attention was kept and is likely to encourage the speaker to continue.
• Questioning - the listener can demonstrate that they have been paying attention by asking relevant questions and/or making statements that build or help to clarify what the speaker has said. By asking relevant questions the listener also helps to reinforce that they have an interest in what the speaker has been saying.
• Clarification - this involves asking questions of the speaker to ensure that the correct message has been received. Clarification usually involves the use of open questions which enables the speaker to expand on certain points as necessary.

Want to add word or two?  

Barriers to effective listening

Everyone has difficulty staying completely focused during a lengthy presentation or conversation, or even relatively brief messages.

Some of the factors that interfere with good listening might exist beyond our control, but others are manageable.

It’s helpful to be aware of these factors so that they interfere as little as possible with understanding the message. Here are some key barriers:

Your comment ….?

Noise

Noise is one of the biggest factors to interfere with listening; it can be defined as anything that interferes with your ability to attend to and understand a message.

There are many kinds of noise, the four you are most likely to encounter in public speaking situations are: physical noise, psychological noise, physiological noise, and semantic noise.

 Attention Span

A person can only maintain focused attention for a finite length of time. Many people argued that modern audiences have lost the ability to sustain attention to a message.

Whether or not these concerns are well founded, you have probably noticed that even when your attention is glued to something in which you are deeply interested, every now and then you pause to do something else, such as getting a drink.

Receiver Biases

Good listening involves keeping an open mind and withholding judgment until the speaker has completed the message.

Conversely, biased listening is characterized by jumping to conclusions; the biased listener believes, "I don’t need to listen because I already know this."

Receiver biases can refer to two things: biases with reference to the speaker and preconceived ideas and opinions about the topic or message.

Everyone has biases but good listeners hold them in check while listening.

Listening Apprehension

This is the fear that you might be unable to understand the message or process the information correctly or be able to adapt your thinking to include the new information coherently. In some situations, you might worry that the information presented will be too complex for you to understand fully.