What lies beneath

Toxicity is so often used today that we have lost the sense of how severe dealing with such qualities can be. How do we know we are dealing with toxic individuals, especially in our families? How do I avoid being consumed by toxicity? How do I make people understand that it is NOT ok!!

I hate it when people say - "They are still your family", “Everyone has flaws”. Just because someone is close to you or even your family, you don't have to indulge them if they are toxic. Don't let people guilt you into tolerating someone who is not good for your mental health.

A toxic family could have many different roles played. And these roles can often be interchanged among the members of the family.

Toxicity has its way of being passed on and adopted without even realizing it. Many times, to survive in situations that are not ideal, we develop coping mechanisms that are toxic themselves. Maybe not toxic to others, but toxic to ourselves. These coping mechanisms rob you of the peace of life and put you on a path that might be gloomy to foresee.

Understanding where things went and are going wrong, and the mechanisms you have had to adapt to survive in those challenging situations is extremely important to change your direction into a more healthy worthwhile future path.

Signs you are in a toxic relationship with your family member...

1. Nothing you say or do is good enough.

2. They will not allow you to be different.

3. They will always drag out your past - your behavior, your reaction, your tone, and your actions.

4. They comment on your smallest flaw and perceived imperfections.

5. They are critical, controlling, and sometimes hurtful without thinking about your needs, wants, desires and feelings.

6. They leave you feeling guilty and ashamed of who you are.

7. They act like they are flawless and made no mistakes.

So how do we go about dealing with difficult family members?

First and foremost, identify the family members you think are trying to rock your boat.

Note: I've had my share of family members who have always rubbished me - be it my ideas, my ways of talking, parenting, work ethics, home management, or fashion sense. For a long time, I was doing the exercise of running from pillar to post trying to appease one or more family members.

One fine day I crumbled and hell broke loose. I was arrogantly obnoxious and all my faculties closed down one by one. I got crippled by my inner turmoil. I knew there was an option to seek therapy but I was lacking the stamina to share my turmoil. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to seek help, but it was out of desperation and not with the want to correct my ways of being. My first step toward self-development began when I was at the lowest point of my life and I had to decide whether I should live or depart. I choose to live and thus started my many journeys toward self-development.

The tips given below could probably help you deal with those family

●    Understand that you cannot change them. They are who they are. They have to want to change for themselves. Focus on what you can control and not - who or what you can control.

●    Focus on being your best self to their bad behavior. Rearrange the expectations you have from them. Understand that they do not have the bandwidth to meet those expectations or simply do not wish to meet those expectations.

●    Don't lose your integrity. Don't beat yourself black and blue emotionally. Ask yourself this - are they worth it? Keep YOU on a pedestal. After all, you have also been on a journey called Life and have dealt with its good and bad.

●    I've learned a bit of detachment, peaceful responses, assertiveness, or emotional distance can help in defusing that toxic energy or behavior.

AND

●     Practice Calm ??

It infuriates them.

Letting toxic people go is not an act of cruelty but an act of self-care.

To unblock your emotions, to make yourself worthy again, speak to just get the steam off you. Talking helps. It can and will get tough. It might get scary. You might be in a position where you question yourself and your decisions a lot. In times like this, do not fall prey to your thoughts. Talk to a friend or seek professional help. There is always a helping hand held out. You are never alone in any struggle you face.

Communication has always been the key factor and the first step to bettering any tough situation. It surely is not always easy and simple but it is said to be the foundation of a healthy and successful relationship. There might be times you will feel like there is no escape from the endless thoughts in your mind, and that no matter how much you try, you can not organize them. In such situations, where you feel like you are losing control, reach out to Transform Happily to get the best help from our team of experts. You do not have to struggle alone. Reach out to us at 1800-833-8747 or email us at [email protected]