What led to that Outburst at office? (part 2 of 2)

Synopsis

This article, addresses the rising frequency of anger outbursts resulting from stress and offers strategies for managing anger effectively. It emphasize that stress precedes anger, leading to emotional outbursts. The article discusses the fight or flight response and its three-step process: immobilization, mobilization, and engagement/connection. The impact of anger outbursts in various aspects of life, such as cognitive abilities, relationships, and health, is highlighted. Ego depletion, described as a state of reduced self-control resources, is linked to increased susceptibility to anger.

The article provides practical solutions for managing anger, including self-compassion, effective communication, and patience. It also explores handling others' anger and stress by promoting understanding and collaborative goal setting.

Finally, a personalized question list for emotional self-reflection and resolution is presented, encouraging readers to identify triggers, emotions, and effective coping strategies.

This is the second part of a 2-part series on Preventing Workplace Meltdowns. Previous one covered stress. In this issue, we delve into the topic of anger & outburst (Link-Stressed at work? we got you covered.)

Is something cooking inside?

Have you found yourself or listened someone saying-

• "I'm feeling overwhelmed with the unrealistic deadlines and unrealistic expectations. How can I not get angry in this situation."
• "The lack of communication and constant changes in direction make it impossible to do my job effectively. It's really frustrating."
• "I've been working overtime for weeks without any acknowledgement or recognition. When is it gonna end?"
• "I'm constantly being micromanaged, and it's hindering my ability to perform my job. Can I at least get angry on my own?"
• "The environment has turned toxic due to continuous gossip floating around. It's hard to stay positive in this atmosphere."

We are all a little angrier these days.

Dealing with high stress situation might lead us to instinctively go in "fight or flight" mode. But is that the only option? Can we do different or better? Can we go beyond to self-regulated or higher state of operation?

How we approach

Outbursts at workplace or home due to anger are not new. Studies have found evidence that suggest that the frequency of such outbursts has been increasing in recent times. Typically, stress triggers the emotion of anger, which can then lead to an outburst.

Stress comes first, followed by Anger, and then the Outburst.

Now that we have a better understanding of stress (refer Stressed at work? we got you covered.), it's time to recognize and plan a way forward for handling anger and its resulting outbursts.

Anger

Start by acknowledging that anger is a natural emotion, rooted in our survival instincts when we perceive a threat. However, in our modern lives, the concept of threat has evolved and is influenced by our own perceptions and mindset. When anger is triggered, we enter a state commonly known as the "fight or flight" response.

Fight or flight mode

Whenever our bodies encounter highly stressful situations, they instinctively activate the "fight or flight" response, which is a fundamental survival mechanism and a direct stimulus-response reaction. It can be defined as 3 step response.

1. Immobilization- Respondent turns defensive and mimics death or what we may call freeze out.
2. Mobilization- Heart rate jumps, nervous system is activated and respondent prepares for action. This is the moment where we become aggressive & fight or we flee.
3. Engagement & Connection- Its when respondent starts to feel safe again and becomes open to connect & learn again.

Most common emotion behind anger is fear.

Impact

Getting angry or having outburst at office can lead to -

• Impaired Cognitive abilities- hampering judgment, problem solving and rational thinking.
• Strained relationships and conflicts.
• Damage or tarnish reputation with peers.
• Negative impact on physical and mental health.
• Decreased productivity and effectiveness.
• Poor communication and misunderstandings.
• Regrettable and impulsive actions.
• Chronic stress and emotional turmoil.
• We turn Dismissive, Deflecting & Defensive.

Ego Depletion

Ego depletion is often described as a state of diminished “strength” or reduced resources that results from an initial act of self-control, which hampers subsequent self-control efforts.

It suggests that self-control is like a muscle: it can get tired with use. When your self-control resources are depleted, you may find it more difficult to resist temptations, make sound decisions, or exert self-discipline.

• When individuals experience ego depletion due to prior exertion of self-control or willpower in different situations, they may become more prone to anger. This is because their ability to regulate their emotions and reactions is diminished when their self-control resources are depleted.
• Managing anger often requires self-control and emotional regulation. When ego depletion occurs, it can reduce a person's capacity to control their anger effectively. They may find it more challenging to calm down, think rationally, or respond to provocation in a composed manner.

Ego depletion can make it harder for individuals to control their anger and handle frustrating or anger-inducing situations, as their self-control resources have been partially depleted by previous efforts, leaving them more vulnerable to emotional outbursts.

What to do?

• Take some time to regain composure. Practice simple breathing exercises to regain control.

Stop, Pause, Relax- take a deep breath

• Practice self-compassion. Show respect and understanding to yourself while addressing the root causes of your anger.
• Choose between repressing or confronting your anger (fight or flight). Avoid doing both; instead, observe the anger arising within you initially.
• Apologize promptly when you recognize a mistake caused by your anger. This helps leave room for repairing any harm caused.

• Understand that you can't simultaneously be empathetic and angry towards someone. It's impossible to put yourself in their shoes while also hurting them.
• Express your emotions appropriately, injecting compassion and curiosity into the situation.
• Be patient and consistent in your efforts. Recognize that while you may have moved on, others may need more time to accept your changes.
• Foster strong relationships.
• Work on improving your character rather than solely focusing on how others perceive you. Your character is changeable.
• Gather information (Data) and remain open to understanding and addressing issues.
• Avoid excessive venting. Limit negative expressions, opting for productive actions instead of venting.

"The way to a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear."- Socrates

Handling other's anger & stress

• Understanding the Source of Frustration: Recognize that expressions of anger or stress often stem from feelings of insecurity, pressure, or perceived threats. Viewing it as a symptom of deeper concerns can help depersonalize the situation.
• Prioritize Emotional Equilibrium Before Responding: Take a moment to center yourself emotionally before engaging with their anger or stress. Maintaining composure allows for more effective communication.
• Approaching Anger with Openness and a Learning Mindset: Embrace their emotional state as an opportunity for growth and understanding. Approach it with curiosity, aiming to comprehend the underlying issues without judgment.
• Co-creating Team Objectives: Involve the team in setting collective goals to prevent recurring conflicts and sources of frustration. A collaborative approach fosters a sense of ownership and unity.
• Taking Accountability for Your Actions: Reflect on your own behavior and actions that may have contributed to their emotional state. Acknowledging your role demonstrates maturity and a commitment to fostering better teamwork and relationships.

Exercise- Emotional Self-Reflection and Resolution

Personal Question List for Emotional Self-Reflection and Resolution.

(Take & Customize your picks)

1. What specifically triggered my anger?Approach: Keep a journal to record triggering events, noting the circumstances, people involved, and your emotional reactions. This can help identify patterns and triggers over time.
2. What emotions were underlying my anger, such as fear or powerlessness?Approach: Practice mindfulness and emotional awareness exercises to recognize and label your emotions accurately. Journaling can also be helpful in exploring underlying emotions.
3. What can I do to meet my immediate emotional needs and regain composure?Approach: Use relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or taking a short walk to calm your emotions. Engage in self-care activities that soothe you.
4. What does a desirable long-term outcome look like for me in this situation?Approach: Set clear, achievable goals for resolving the issue, and create a plan with specific steps. Visualize your desired outcome to stay motivated.
5. How can I take concrete steps towards achieving that desired outcome?Approach: Break down your goals into smaller, manageable tasks. Create a timeline and prioritize actions. Seek advice or support from others if necessary.
6. What potential risks or challenges might I encounter when pursuing these steps?Approach: Conduct a risk assessment, identifying potential obstacles. Develop contingency plans and strategies to address these challenges as they arise.
7. What are the potential gains or benefits associated with each step I take?Approach: List the expected positive outcomes for each action. Use this as motivation to stay on track and celebrate small achievements along the way.
8. How can I communicate my feelings and needs effectively to others involved?Approach: Practice active listening, empathy, and assertive communication. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming others.
9. What support systems or resources can I tap into during this process?Approach: Identify friends, family members, or professionals who can provide guidance and emotional support. Seek out relevant books, online resources, or support groups.
10. How can I maintain a healthy balance between self-reflection and taking action?Approach: Allocate dedicated time for self-reflection, such as journaling or meditation. Set specific action-oriented goals and allocate time for implementing them in your schedule.
11. Which specific emotions am I experiencing right now, and can I categorize and label them, such as sadness, frustration, or anxiety?Approach: Develop emotional awareness by consistently identifying and naming your feelings accurately.
12. What events or circumstances triggered these emotions, and were any of my values associated with my roles challenged? Did these emotions arise due to my actions or someone else's actions?Approach: Engage in reflective practices to understand the origins of your emotions. Examine the situation, your responses, and the actions of others, considering the alignment with your values.
13. Were these emotions a result of unmet expectations, either mine or those of others?Approach: Clearly define your expectations in various contexts and foster open communication to ensure mutual understanding and alignment of expectations.

Deep Dive

• Stressed at work? we got you covered.
• From HBR- article-1, article-2, article-3

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