If you are reading Remarkable Results for the first time, please subscribe here ?to get your new issue each week.? If you like what you read, please share it with others.
A couple of weeks ago our team began to grieve when one of our team members lost her husband. Many members of the team knew him, so their grief was doubled – both how they felt for the team member and for the loss of a friend, too. Because of those events I had planned to write about the leader’s role when a team is grieving. Then the catastrophic and devastating events of the weekend brought grief to the national news in the aftermath of the weekend tornadoes.
If you have led for very long, you have found yourself leading when you, members of the team, or the entire team are facing something difficult. Heck, if you are leading now, you’ve had to deal with the pandemic and its fallout. But when the challenge leads to grief, it is different. Leading while grieving or through the grieving process is something we likely didn’t think about when we took the job. But when it happens (and it will happen), we must step up to the situation.
The specifics of you situation will vary - the grief from the loss of a team member’s spouse is different from a layoff of 900 people via zoom, or tornados that rip apart buildings and businesses.? But given the differences, there are some common actions to take or consider when you find yourself leading while grieving:
- Bring your ears. Depending on the source of the grief, you may need to be sharing information and insight.? But in most cases more than your words, people will need your ears.? Stop talking and start asking questions. You don’t have to always have answers – people need to voice concerns and feelings and you may serve them best by saying nothing at all.? Your empathy is the best starting place and sets the table for the rest of these ideas.
- Offer professional help. While not always necessary, consider the possible need for professional help.? If you are starting with empathy, you will likely be in a better position to know what additional help and resources some or all the team might need. If needed, provide that support individually and collectively as soon as possible.
- Provide time and space. Some people will need time to process. Allow that space in the work whenever possible. Look for ways to adjust timelines and deadlines.? Some will be more mentally and emotionally impacted than others – if that is your situation, look for ways to shift workload in the short term.
- Create a forum. Depending on the event, you may need to provide the chance for the team to process or grieve together. Make sure people know that can do that informally and spontaneously, and perhaps scheduling time for something more formal will help too. Consider having someone less affected (if possible) to facilitate the discussion to help create space for everyone.
- Use your heart as well as your head.? If you are leading while grieving by leading with empathy, you are off to a good start - but this point goes beyond that.? As you look at business and operational decisions, consider timing, capacity, and readiness of your team to engage, and succeed.? Realize too that one of the best ways to use your heart is to continue to engage the team by getting their input and perspective on the decisions you might face.
- Don’t shoulder it alone.? Being a leader can be a very lonely situation – perhaps never more than in these situations. As just mentioned, you don’t have to do it alone.? Yes, there are decisions you will need to make and there may be information that you can’t share (or share yet). Even so, the more you let others into your thought process and ask for their perspective (even if you must make the call), the better it will be for the team and the result – in the short and long term.
- Take care of yourself too. You can’t help the team through their grief if you are stuck in the grieving yourself.? Too often leaders become so outwardly focused on the event, the team, and the business imperatives that they don’t take care of themselves.? Just like the team needs to process and heal, so do you.? Make sure you have someone to help you, just as you offer to help the team.? Ultimately, you can’t be at your best for others if you aren’t taking care of yourself.
While I hope you never are faced with leading through grief, the odds are it will happen.? Hopefully these ideas will help you prepare for and be successful during these important and stressful situations.?
Enjoy the rest of your week – the links to the resources below will extend this article and support you in getting Remarkable Results.
p.s.? If you are able, I hope you will join our team in helping those affected by the weather in the US last weekend by donating to The American Red Cross.
Crises and times of grieving aren't the moments for leaders to be asserting their authority. Here are some ways you can subtly lead during difficult times (and in good times, too!).
Many might argue that empathy is a "soft skill." Here are five reasons why I think it's critical to your success as a leader. Watch...
