What the Land Can Teach Us About DEIJ | Wading Through the Mud

The mud. It's everywhere due to the ongoing rains in California. I mean everywhere. Just as soon as we get a day or two of sun, the rains come seeping and eventually pouring back in. These days the ground never fully dries.

The other week on one of those days when the rains decided to take a pause, I dared to venture out in the woods. I couldn't stand another day trapped inside.

Minutes into my walk, I became captivated by the mud. It wasn't just because I love a good puddle to splash in from time to time. But the mud seemed to be calling out for my attention.

It was mesmerizing and I thought to myself:

With all that is happening in the world, life seems to be getting muddier and muddier. Everywhere we look, there is this mud - seemingly impenetrable and inescapable, both figuratively and literally. Like the mud, the conversations we need, want, and try to have seem to be growing harder and harder to navigate.

Once again the land was trying to teach me something. So I asked:

What can we learn from the mud?

Perhaps the land knew I needed a reply sent ASAP.

Perhaps it knew that I have been increasingly called in to facilitate conversations between leaders and team members that are downright MUDDY. Some are in the DEIJ space and some of them are not. What they all have in common is that they have high emotional charge, no clear cut answers, polarization, big cultural differences, and strong opinions.

Here's what the land taught me about wading through the mud:

1. Stay grounded | We often want to speed up and go fast when conversations get muddy. We like to think that if we can hurry up and just get it over with, the problems will be fixed. But, in the mud, running and speeding up could cause severe damage and accidents. Instead, go slow. Remember to breathe and do so deeply. Adjust your pace. Lower your voice and pay close attention to the details conveyed through your pitch, volume, and tone. Choose your words carefully and wisely. They can trigger an adrenaline rush or an amygdala hijack which will create devastating consequences for you and the relationship(s) that you have with others, if left unchecked.
2. Stay present to each step | When I'm out animal tracking, one of the things we first learn to do is to study footprints, pawprints, and bird tracks. The mud is great substrate that we trackers use to observe which direction life is flowing. In the mud, don't just keep talking to get your point across. Instead, use mindfulness and stay present to each step. Most importantly, practice noticing the impact of your words. Really notice how others in the conversation respond to your words and notice how you respond to theirs. Notice what takes you into slippery terrain. Notice what helps you gain more footing. Ask open-ended questions to orient you and others in the conversations back to unearthing hidden emotions, unknown impacts, and unspoken needs or desires. Those things hidden beneath are where the real gems are and are what will move you forward in the end.
3. Commit to Going Through It Together | That day it was clear to me that the only way out through the woods and back to safety was by going through the mud. There was no escaping it. In muddy conversations, the real test of connection and building trust is whether you will commit to going through the mud together. I've witnessed this time and time again when facilitating muddy conversations across industries. Somewhere deep inside each of the participants is a vulnerable set of questions that we may never dare ask aloud. In my experience, they include: "Will you give up on me? Will you abandon this relationship? Will you use your power to silence or shut down the conversation or to get only your needs served?" Even in committing, it can get hard. So, remember that you can take breaks. You can cry. You can express anger and set boundaries in healthy ways. You can even ask to pause, recollect, and revisit if it becomes intense. But, committing to going through it together is the only way that new possibilities and ways of being & sharing power can be created.

Here in the Bay Area, the rains are scheduled to pay us yet another visit tomorrow. And yes, just like life, the muds will keep muddying . But, at least now, we have some wisdom and lessons from the land to help us wade through.

Need support and guidance as you or your team navigate the mud? Check out our coaching, training, and consulting offerings:

https://thepowellconsultinggroup.com/