What about the Laid Off Mom (LOM)?

As far as I ever knew, at least in America, mothers were nicely bucketed into two different categories: Working Moms and Stay at Home Moms (SAHMs).? You either worked, parented, and had dedicated childcare or you were the primary source of childcare without formal employment.? There was no in between.

Well, throughout Q12023, I found myself in this very odd and convoluted category that wasn’t quite Working Mom or SAHM.? It took me a few months of analyzing my life as I knew it to really decide that there is a third bucket that, to my knowledge, is neither truly discussed nor written about.? And that third bucket is: the Laid Off Mom (LOM) .

For those who have been there, it’s nice to be able to put some kind of taxonomic description to the feeling or instance of life.? In many ways, I felt exponentially lonelier as a LOM than I did as a Working Mom on maternity leave, figuring out motherhood for the first time.? It’s a walk of life that is relatable, but not to the masses; it’s ambiguous by design; it’s something that allows a resounding “You’re doing great, Mama!” to fall deaf to the wind.

There are a lot of different stages of being a LOM, and a ton of conflicting emotions.? At times, I felt lost, grateful, hopeful, and guilty simultaneously.? But as someone who is destined to work and destined to be a mother, this situation was struggle personified.? From my honest perspective, this time period was extra challenging due to the following:????

A Change in Identity

After the initial shock of my layoff set in, I felt okay.? We were in the thick of Christmastime, my favorite season, and I decided to take some time off to enjoy life, reevaluate things, and plan to take my next step.? But after the holiday hustle and bustle died down, grief set in.??

Prior to being laid off, I never realized how much I equated my professional stature to my identity as a whole.? I felt like I had lost a huge piece of me; I felt I lacked purpose on the day-to-day.? It was bizarre to wake up in the morning and have extreme flexibility in my day.? Something felt like it was missing, and I sorely missed the marketing and business piece to my life’s puzzle.? It was shocking, odd, and a second cousin to the grief felt when you mourn the “old life” you had prior to having children.??

Life Kept Moving

Almost one month to the day after I was laid off, my grandfather passed away.? It was not a complete shock, since he was sick, but rocked my world nonetheless.? Those who know me personally know full-well that I put my grandparents on a pedestal.? They are my world, and have been there for me every step of the way.? My Grandpa was one of my most prized possessions, and he was the very first person in my life that I have lost.

I look back now, and I can’t remember much of January.? I was so deep in personal grief that I didn’t know which end was up.? I struggled with distracting myself and applying to jobs versus giving my heart and mind time to heal.? I struggled with being an attentive and jovial mother; not only had I never experienced a personal loss before, but I didn’t have time to just lay in bed and cry.? My daughter needed her mother, so I needed to pull myself together and keep going.? Life kept moving fast even when I begged it to take a breather.

Childcare Fluctuation

My husband and I had a full-time nanny for our daughter.? We kept her hours normal throughout the holidays, but come January we needed to reduce them, since I was unemployed and was available to pivot to primary caregiver.? Eventually, she wound up quitting since she needed full-time work and we couldn’t guarantee when I would begin working again.? This just provides a look at the raw, real domino effect that can occur due to unemployment.

Yes, I became a SAHM; but I didn’t fit the traditional profile.? From roughly 5:30-7:00am every morning, I researched companies, applied to jobs, completed alternate assignments for roles I was interviewing for, etc.? I scheduled interviews while she napped.? Sometimes, I juggled interviewing while she was awake, and relied on Miss Rachel to get me through the half hour.? Other times, my husband brought his laptop upstairs and we did a true circus-like juggling act, so I could get important things accomplished.??

I have loved the extra 1:1 time with my daughter, no doubt.? But I can’t truthfully say that my mind was always 100% on her everyday while with her, and that’s something that I will always have to live with.? That is the silent scar that a LOM will always wear: I was thinking about next steps, that next interview, that callback, that project review, timelines and more, even while sitting and enjoying quality time with her.??

The Unknown

• When will I start working again?
• Am I giving the best of myself to my daughter?
• Am I doing the right thing?
• When should I start looking for childcare??

There were a ton of hypotheses and question marks dancing around in my head daily.? At a few points early on in my job search journey, I thought I had stumbled upon “the one” (a similar mentality I had when house hunting years ago).? When “the one” went with another candidate or took weeks to get back to me, I was crushed.? It made me wonder if the stars would ever align again.? I am a particular person, and sought a role that would be great fit for me, but also for my family.??

A main concern was the quest for childcare.? It was very difficult to interview for jobs while also placing ads for potential childcare.? I could never give anyone a hard, fast start date of employment until recently.? It was tough to balance two extremely important aspects of life - finding my next role PLUS finding a reliable caregiver for our daughter - at the same exact time.??

The fear of the unknown is real.? Many told me to have patience and trust that things would work out (which they did), but for a Type A like me, it was tough to do.

Happily Ever After

This not-so-fairytale does have a very happy ending.? After four months of unemployment, I signed an offer to join an exceptional company.? Once I read the JD, I was intrigued, but once I interviewed with the hiring manager, I was sold.? This company impressed me with a variety of items and most of all, I felt a sense of belonging.? They valued the experience I brought to the table, they placed emphasis on cultural and organizational items that I find similar value in, and I cannot wait to officially join the team this Monday.? I can honestly say that they were worth the wait!

My saint up above, Grandpa, also helped us out in the childcare department and my husband and I were able to find someone kind, reliable, and caring, who we trust with our baby girl.??

I am grateful to exit the LOM phase of my life, and I am not naive to think that someday, I have the potential to enter this phase again.? It was a long road where I felt stretched thin, and my mental load was pushed to capacity.? Being a LOM is murky at best - time is both your friend and your enemy.? There is nothing like it, and those who have experienced the same thing can attest to its challenges.? You want more time with your child(ren), but you want the stability of knowing what’s next; you want that piece of your identity back; you want life to go back to your perceived version of normal.

I will wear my LOM badge with pride.? It’s easy to say in retrospect and hindsight is always 20/20, but thank you to life: for making me both a stronger professional and a stronger mother.

Onward and upward.