What kind of leader would you like to be?

Why being a self-leader is key

A recent coaching client VP of finance of a global services company came into a coaching session with a delicate situation at hand: An important direct whose promotion could not happen as planned was very demotivated. The VP needed her onboard and could risk to lose her in times of the pandemic as they were going through a merger. Topics likes these are currently top of the list with my clients. Leading difficult conversations remotely. 

Research shows that the two primary reasons leaders fail are because of failed relationships, or because they fail to continually learn. Ongoing leadership success is mostly determined by one’s ability to develop advanced self-leadership skills which enable one to better navigate important, complex, and relational situations. 

How did we approach this situation? By starting with my client himself and his capability for self leadership. This means becoming aware of himself and his situation:

1. understanding and feeling his feelings around this issue.
2. What are the his values at play in these situations?
3. What perspectives do various stakeholders hold? 
4. How to engage in a meaningful and authentic dialogue with an open mind? Awareness of pain points and leaning into the discomfort and holding the space.
5. Clarifying his intention and his areas of direct/indirect influence. 
6. Cultivating to listen with an open heart ( Theory U by Otto Scharmer)

What is self -leadership?

Leadership is a cultivated art that begins with self-leadership (Ng, 2017). Self-leadership is having a developed sense of who you are, what you can do, where you are going coupled with the ability the influence your communication, emotions and behaviors on the way to getting there. Life and work are often intertwined, so it also reflects how you work with clients, colleagues and teams. Self-leadership is something that needs continual focus.

There are factors of self-leadership like the passion for learning. Great self-leaders are following their goals in their professional and private life monitoring, course correct and communication goal progress. They plan and schedule their day efficiently with block for creative work, team work, communication via phone or mail. Self-leaders also have the capability to focus on what they do. It is a fact that our brains can only truly focus on one thing at a time to do a task well. This is even more critical when the task involves creating thinking or problem solving. Self-leaders have developed the skill of selecting what they want to focus on and tuning out the rest for a set amount of time. They do their best work and create better results.

Helping to work on your self leadership skills I would like to introduce the SOAR Self-Leadership Model. (Getting It Right When It Matters Most -Gambill and Carbonara, 2021).

Below are the four phases of the SOAR Self-Leadership Model with questions helping you to assess how well you are developing your Self-Leadership knowledge, skills, and abilities.

Self

Understanding the unique you that has evolved based on your one-of-a-kind combination of personality, physical traits, intelligence, habits, beliefs, strengths, and weaknesses.

1. I can easily articulate my goals and ambitions. 
2. I can describe the environment that brings out my Best Self.
3. I can describe the environment that brings out my Worst Self.
4. I understand my strengths and how to use them to achieve my goals.
5. I understand my weaknesses and how they can get in the way of achieving my goals.
6. I can name the personal values I believe in the most.
7. I consider these personal values when taking action.
8. I prioritize self-care to address my most basic needs
9. I am aware of when my most fundamental needs are not being met.

Outlook 

An awareness of how we view the world and how our emotions impact our worldview.

1. I am aware of how my perception biases can distort how I see situations and people.
2. I actively try to understand diverse worldviews. 
3. I try to understand others’ unique situations before making assessments about them.
4. I am open to changing my conclusions if introduced to information that is inconsistent with my initial beliefs.
5. I know what triggers my negative emotions.
6. I recognize how my negative feelings affect my behaviors. 
7. When feeling negative emotions, I always pause to gain balance before reacting.
8. I regularly use my breathing to calm my emotions.
9. I am aware of my emotions and can accurately describe my feelings.
10. I stay true to my Best Self when engaging with my most difficult situations. 

ACTION 

The conversations that enable one to successfully advance their most important, complex, and relational situations.

During my harder conversations:

1. I am always clear about my best intentions (Results and Relationships) for the conversation.
2. I try to create clarity and alignment on the core issue.
3. I lead with open-ended questions to understand others’ perspectives. 
4. I take time to ask follow-up questions to increase my understanding.
5. I am comfortable allowing space and silence after asking a question.
6. I come prepared to share my perspectives on the issue.
7. I know how to ask questions that generate forward-focused solutions.
8. I make time to develop clear agreements for shared action.
9. I am comfortable with handling the defensiveness of others.

Reflection 

The process of critically evaluating your behaviors, perspectives, habits, and communication from previous actions to gain insights to adapt for future challenges.

1. I know how to reflect to learn from my experiences.
2. I actively seek feedback for continuous learning.
3. I can listen to constructive feedback without being defensive.
4. I actively set development goals for ongoing improvement.
5. I share my goals with people who I trust and who will support my progress.
6. I regularly practice new skills or new approaches to continually develop important skills.
7. I have a supportive social network that supports my learning and growth.
8. I create clear plans for overcoming recurring challenges.

In an ever-changing environment when typical habits, behaviors, and thinking aren't enough, the SOAR model helps leaders apply self-awareness, emotional intelligence, social intelligence, and learning agility when navigating their most challenging situations.