What Kind of Coach Do You Have?

A great coach can help you change your life in ways you never thought possible. How do you know if you're working with someone who is great or a dud? Here are 3 questions you can ask yourself:

1. Is my coach using psychological coercion to get me to change?

I had a physical fitness coach recently. He was top in the world in his field having won Mr. Universe 4 times. He would use subtle judgements intended to coerce me to change. For example, one time I missed a check in and got an email saying, "Here I was waiting on the call for you and you couldn't be bothered to show up for your check in." It turned out the time changed over the weekend (his timezone changed and mine was static) and he showed up an hour early. If your coach tries to use judgement and shame to get you to change, fire them...immediately. Lasting change does not come from bullying.

2. Is my coach trying to take control of my thinking as a short cut to results?

There was no question he had deep subject matter expertise in diet, exercise, and sleep. However, drove results for his clients by micro managing their thinking and decisions. For example, he wanted pictures of every meal I ate and told me that I would eat 113 grams of lean chicken breast on Wednesdays. If you let your coach commandeer your thinking, you never build the critical thinking skills you need for sticky behavior change. There's no doubt that, if I followed his directions to a 'T', he would have changed my physical fitness substantially. However, a good coach helps you build your critical thinking skills so you build lasting change.

3. Does my coach spend more time telling me what to do rather than asking me questions?

A good coach asks questions to help you generate insights and new neural pathways. Telling someone what to do does little to change someone's thinking. I had a client once who could not understand why their team member was not changing despite telling the person what they needed to do to change. I asked her a few questions to generate some insights so she could see how her approach was leading to the stasis of her team member. When she understood, she changed her approach to question asking and rapid change ensued.

In summary, if your gut is telling you your coach may not be a fit, ask yourself these questions. If you answer yes to any of them, reach out to a coach with a track record of helping their clients achieve life changing results for help.