What If the Job of British King Was Posted on LinkedIn?

Well, it took 70 years but the British monarchy is finally going to have a change in leadership with the passing of Queen Elizabeth II and the ascension of King Charles III. The very specific lineage rules that led to the mostly-unloved, pretty-over-the-hill Charles to the throne appear to be unquestioned by the British people, but what if there was a better way? What if the job of King was actually open to interested applicants, real and fictitious, who could make their case to a random assortment of Brits? You might think they would rather choose from candidates like the ones below than be stuck with one guy merely because he was a first-born kid.

For purposes of this piece, we’re going to limit this to possible Kings, since we went 70 years with a Queen. Our lineup of candidates:

Morgan Freeman

o Pros: Has ruled the world as God or President in at least a half-dozen movies; Could be first Black British King;

o Cons: Almost as old as Elizabeth II; Main skill in Shawshank Prison — ability to ‘locate certain things’ — not really needed as King.

Elon Musk

o Pros: Born in former UK colony; Could expand future empire to Mars; Elon would be cool name for a King;

o Cons: British people probably not excited for their King to have three other, more important jobs; Twitter behavior not very royal-like.

Nick Saban

o Pros: Point spreads in any armed conflict would be huge in UK favor; Nick sounds British;

o Cons: The United Kingdom not as important or powerful as the SEC; Constantly rotating cast of assistant coaches portends disaster for his ‘minor’ royals.

James Bond

o Pros: Already most-famous Brit except for the Queen; Could handle own driving away from terrorists or paparazzi;

o Cons: Hard to maintain secret identity when your face is on every stamp; Generally hooks up with every woman he meets so his meetings with the new Prime Minister might need monitoring.

Tom Brady

o Pros: Anybody who can win Super Bowls in his 40s surely can handle overrated ceremonial gigs, 2–0 in NFL games held in London;

o Cons: Too good looking to be on every British coin; Wife Giselle is international but not from a former colony.

Hugh Grant

o Pros: Perhaps the best Prime Minister the UK ever had in 2002’s?Love Actually; Great Kevin Bacon-game connections with famous Brit Austin Powers via former girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley;

o Cons: Career not exactly thriving for the last decade; MeToo issues seem possible after conduct in real life and in?Love Actually.

Ted Lasso

o Pros: Amazing fictitious debut in the UK; Unique combination of U.S. folksiness and UK traditions; Solid team of actually British close advisors;

o Cons: No known understanding of international affairs; Buckingham Palace slightly larger than apartment in Richmond.

Joe Manchin

o Pros: Two years of experience running the U.S. and blocking spending bigger than UK GDP; Could easily pilot his houseboat up the Thames;

o Cons: King’s actual power more like his old job being Governor of the West Virginia; Folksy idioms won’t translate into British English.

Donald Trump

o Pros: Pretty likely he thought he was elected to be the King of the U.S. already; Impressive golf course land holdings already in the empire;

o Cons: The words you associate with Elizabeth — discretion, calm, steadfastness, consistency — don’t seem like his main qualities; Hair style might not work well with fancy hats required of the monarch.

But these are just a few suggestions that our friends across the pond might want to consider if they actually posted the job of King on LinkedIn. You would think that a gig that comes with billions in land holdings, a staff of thousands, and a streak of not being beheaded for several centuries would draw a lot of interest.

Of course, Charles could also apply, and see if his 70-year internship as Prince impresses the hiring committee.