What I've learned from starting a Men's group

January 2020 I came into the year feeling numb. There was no pep in my step jumping out of bed when the alarm went off. Events on the weekends were no longer bringing joy. In the mornings, I was simply throwing the TV on for the kids and putting on the coffee pot. Even my sales numbers and the commission cheque to follow didn't create that twinkle in my eye.

From the outside, I was living a successful life. Beautiful wife with two amazing kids, a nice house and a well-paying job that I enjoyed. I wasn't sure where to turn. Was I depressed? What was wrong with me? All of these feelings arose. And at this time I was not equipped to explore them in the appropriate way. I didn't know who to talk to, I was the "strong one" in my family, I was "The Man". The almighty Husband & Father figure that needed to hold it together for everyone else. So I ate crappy food because I felt crappy. (Or was it the other way around?) I picked up the "casual drink" more than I would have liked to and I continued to make the money and do "man stuff" to support my world and play the roles to an elite degree while suffering on the inside.

During the Winter months I met a new friend in the neighbourhood Trevor Turnbull . Trevor was always strolling his two young boys (Similar to the age of mine) by our house and we'd give a head nod at first. Then a hello and maybe a brief chat about sports. Then eventually we lined up a game of Tennis and talked about business. All the standard topics that guys seem to lean on. Trevor told me he was planning to move his family to Costa Rica and this guy had me intrigued.

Fast forward a few months, a few meet-ups with and without our kids and trying to force our wives to be friends. Trevor and I realized that we had many similarities and we actually wanted many of the same things in life (sounds like your modern day bromance right?). One thing we didn't connect on (at that time), is that we were both sharing that same feeling of knowing we wanted more but didn't know what that was.

By the time Summer arrived, Trevor and I had both been committing to self-development work, independently and together ( Assistant - The Spiritual Room ), he was helping me launch my podcast and we decided that we were going to go away on a weekend to get some space to chat about it all. We hiked, did breathwork/meditation at the top of a mountain, we e-foiled on Okanagan Lake and had some great deep chats about visions that we had for a Men's Retreat.

2 months later, "The Extremely Conscious" Men's Retreat had it's first impactful event. Two guys that had zero experience in the space had called in 8 other men that were seeking the same things that we were. Connection, the ability to speak freely/vulnerably in a safe space, peak experiences and deep reflection. These are a few of the elements that were interwoven in the experience and by Sunday we all left feeling refreshed, with a new sense of self and 9 other men that we knew we had unwavering support from moving forward.

What I learned from this event (and Trev) was first, that you don't need all the answers, just start. Create the momentum with the right intention and the rest will fall into place. Second, there has been an awakening over the past couple years and the narrative of what defines a man is changing and I want to support other men on this journey as I have walked the path (and still am) myself. Third, that at the root of any powerful change you will usually find community. Like-minded individuals that know it is better to learn, grow and create as a group rather than solo. We can rise together faster.

The one gap that Trevor and I realized in reflecting on this first retreat, is that, it is only so powerful as the actions that follow. If we do not stay connected and provide a space for action and continued connection then unfortunately the likelihood is that the change made will fade away eventually. Enter, "The Better Man Gathering" & "The Better Man Inner-Circle". Though we have our next retreat planned coming up in February in Costa Rica (www.extremelyconscious.com), we have also started a series of free calls. These currently run 3 times per week and offer men an opportunity to jump into a space and simply talk about what is alive and real for them in their current reality. The good, the bad and everything in between. There is no judgement, no coaching/mentoring, simply an open forum capped at 6/call to keep it small. Then we keep everyone connected in a FB group with "micro-actions" to keep us accountable to ourselves and each other and continue the journey. The only pre-requisite is a desire to be better (Better husband, father, entrepreneur, etc).

So, to summarize what I've learned in this time, well you'd have to read through pages of my journal to truly dive deep on that but it is ultimately that this space is needed. We have had men come onto these calls and share with completed strangers that they're in the midst of dire financial challenges, that they're completely lost in life, that they've gone through traumas or overcome diseases and have not spoken out loud about it previously until now. Not even to their partners. They have the ability to walk a little bit lighter having shared one thing that was itching to come to the surface.

Lastly, if I am going to be a man in this space that gives myself the authority to lead. I must first and foremost do the work myself. I must share vulnerably, reflect deeply, and not hide any part of myself as this path requires the utmost authenticity and integrity to do the work.

If this resonated with you in any way (or you know a man that it might resonate with), feel free to share it, reach out directly with questions or drop me a line to get connected on one of these calls.

I am grateful for the opportunity to have had the incredible mindset shift and it is my mission to help other's do the same and reach for greatness in their lives.