What I've Come to Know About Adoption

“However motherhood comes to you, it’s a miracle.” – Valerie Harper

More than 120 Angels in Adoption from across the country will descend on Capitol Hill this week to share their personal testaments to building families through adoption.

The Congressional Coalition on Adoption is the largest, bicameral caucus in Congress, and its Angels in Adoption program honors the families, advocates, and experts who serve tirelessly behind the scenes to make an impact on children in need of families. It’s no coincidence that these angels are honored during November, which is National Adoption Month.

It’s one of my favorites times of the year because it reminds me of the powerful and life-changing force of love and belonging.

It reminds me of the powerful and life-changing force of love and belonging.

It’s also a time when I think back on my own adoption story. Nineteen years ago, my son Ben entered our family’s life thanks to the gift of adoption. As intended, National Adoption Month sparks conversation about building a family through adoption. I’ve received many questions over the years. Here are a few:

How do you know what you are getting? 

That’s one of the silliest questions I’ve ever been asked about adopting a child. As the mother of one birth and one adopted child, I chuckle at the questioner’s premise that you really know or control anything.  Or to paraphrase Steve Martin, as the loving, but often overwhelmed father in the movie, “Parenthood,” once you take a seat on the roller coaster of parenting, fasten your seat belt. You can count on ups, downs, thrills and chills, but not control. 

While any prospective parent should suspend preconceived notions of control, there are serious questions specific to adoption that deserve careful consideration. How do you feel about bringing a child from a different race or cultural heritage into your family?  What is your capacity for taking care of a child with special needs?  What about the age of the child? Adoption professionals can help you think through, and weigh, all the implications of these questions. As an adoptive parent, I try to help by sharing my own perspective.

Based on our family’s circumstances, we hoped for a healthy baby boy; his race or country of birth simply didn’t matter.  The scrawny, but bright-eyed baby, now named Ben, that was handed to me on May 6, 2001 at Kien Klang orphanage in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, has exceeded all our hopes and prayers.    

Can you love an adopted child as much as a birth child?  

Absolutely, because real love of any human comes from involvement with them.  I was in love with both of my children from the moment they arrived. My love of and for them deepens each day as I experience their growth and celebrate their accomplishments, ranging from their first tentative steps to their triumph over a tough math problem or difficult English essay.

Are there special problems related to parenting a child that is of a different race than yours? 

Honestly, the faces of both my children are so familiar to, and beloved by, me that I forget my son doesn’t look exactly like the rest of our family.  So much so that this made me a little slow to realize that he sometimes felt uncomfortable about it. I’ve now learned to give him the opportunity to talk about awkward questions or looks that come his way. Although you can’t change how other people act, you can arm your child with ways to handle the awkwardness themselves. 

And just how lucky was Ben to become part of our family? 

That’s another silly question. After 19 years, as I now look up into the still sparkly eyes of a scholar, athlete, musician and deeply compassionate human being, I know what every adoptive parent knows:  We are the lucky ones.  

I know what every adoptive parent knows:  We are the lucky ones.  

Last year almost 5,000 adoptions were finalized during this month alone. About a quarter of the 425,000 children in foster care here in the United States are eligible for adoption. The need is great, but so is the opportunity for those who want to make children part of a loving family.    

If you are interested in finding out more about adoption, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI) is an excellent non-profit dedicated to raising awareness about the millions of children around the world in need of permanent, safe and loving families and promoting policies that make it easier for families to adopt.

Their work is enormously important and that’s why I support them. Money raised to support CCAI’s programs lift up vulnerable children and youth and the families that support them. Some of these programs include:

·        The Foster Youth Internship Program?

·        Angels in Adoption? Program

·        National Adoption Day

·        The Congressional Resource Program

·        20/20 Vision Congressional Delegation Program

You, too, can give and help make a difference in a child’s life.