What It's Like to Speak Up

There has been a lot of talk lately (with good reason) about bad work culture, toxic leadership and how we tackle this as employees. As someone who's often seen as tough and fairly fearless about privately and publicly raising concerns—I want to share what it has been like in my experience.

People often assume speaking up is 'just easier for some' or that those who do it have nothing to lose. In reality, it’s not that simple.

Even though I wasn’t directly threatened with losing my job, I’ve had my worth questioned and my boundaries tested. The personal toll has been undeniably real at times: sleepless nights, health issues, and needing to pick myself up to address behavior that shouldn’t have gone unchecked in the first place.

I’ve faced passive-aggressive consequences: being lied about to a client, being told I wasn’t good enough, or that conveniently 'others' had issues with me so let's park my concern. I’ve had my promotion deliberately withheld, I was given boring assignments on purpose, and I’ve been publicly yelled at and abused in pretty filthy language, used as an emotional punching bag—and I've been completely blindsided at times by the aggression of the reaction.

I’ve succeeded many times by standing up, but I won’t pretend it’s easy or a simple chance to take. It’s an ongoing process of weighing risks, and the reality is, no one should feel they’re failing or not bold enough if they happen to choose job security in difficult times.

It’s also important to note that this isn’t a simple binary state. You’re not simply 'the person who speaks up' or 'the person who doesn’t'. This is something we work on throughout our careers. Each time, it’s nerve-racking, and you’re just trying to figure out the best way you can to navigate each situation. There’s no secret code that you can crack once and keep applying—it’s a gamble you take each time, you start from scratch every time, and it requires courage each time.

Before initiating each of those conversations, I used to ask myself, “What’s the worst that can happen as a result of this conversation?” and I often thought, "If I lose my job over this, it’s fine. I’ll find another one." However, the world has changed so much particularly post-COVID. The job market, especially for senior professionals, has become treacle-slow: I personally know some very knowledgeable and experienced people who’ve struggled to find work for months. So if someone chooses to stay safe and protect their job in these times, I’ll be the last one to judge!

This isn’t a complaint. It’s simply a glimpse into what people who speak up often face. For those who think it’s 'just easier for some' or that consequences only come in the form of being fired, it’s worth remembering that no, they can be varied, often quieter, but no less damaging. And even those who are tough can be profoundly affected at times by bad work culture.

You're not tough because you're bulletproof, you're tough because you heal fast and you're resilient... But the thing is, you shouldn't need to be tough to survive a workplace or a manager.

In 1980, in the US, a mother whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver started Mothers Against Drunken Driving. The group played a big role in advocating for laws against drunk driving and in creating public awareness about the danger.

It's not like she will read this but I feel like saying a heartfelt thank you to Anna's mother, Mrs Anita Augustine, for writing that letter. Millions of us came to know of the tragedy, though we didn't know Anna, because of that letter. I'm currently at a point of my career where that stage of being totally powerless to say no to unreasonable asks is behind me, but I do vividly remember going through it (though it was to a lesser extent than Anna did). I'm still profoundly grateful for her courage and generosity to make things better for others, even in the middle of grieving for her own daughter.

Maybe we will see a similar ground swell now thanks to Mrs Anita Augustine, and things really will improve. She's done her part, now it's high time for us to do ours.

#mentalhealth #workculture #toxicworkplaces #assertiveness #ethics #whistleblowing #leadership #powerdynamics