What It's Been Like So Far on This Cancer Trip

By Amal Samuel

Yesterday was exactly one month since I completed chemotherapy treatment. I was very happy that this part of the cancer journey was over. I pretty much spent my whole summer from May to August in the hospital every 2 weeks receiving chemo. What was miraculous was that I did not get horribly sick or nauseous once during the entire chemo treatment. My appetite was fine and in fact I had more of an appetite than usual because of hormone therapy treatment that I was also receiving, so goodbye to thinking that I'd at least lose some weight. I was also pretty energetic too, I'd only feel somewhat tired the first 2 days after chemo but fine until the next treatment. I continued to cook meals from scratch and go on daily walks. Chemo treatment affects everyone differently; I thought I'd be bed-ridden and unable to hold down food or stand certain smells but nope, none of that which I am very grateful for as food was one thing I could still enjoy. I'm also very appreciative of the nurses at the hospital who treated me for those 4 months and it was really cool to ring the bell on the last day of treatment.

I did however, lose all my hair, eyebrows and eyelashes from chemo. I've been bald since early June. At first I thought I looked like Voldemort or Uncle Fester from the Addams Family, but what's wild is that I don't mind it, I feel it's freeing and I'm actually seeing my true self as my facial features pop out more. I've really upped my makeup game too because of it. I had bought a wig to wear but have only worn it a handful of times as it's been terribly hot this whole summer so I took to wearing head scarves instead which I really like. I have a good head shape and long neck so I can pull it off as a fashion statement, lol. Some people have actually asked me where I got my scarves from (FYI: Amazon and Value Village).

Having worked in production for 8 years, I sort of see this cancer journey as one big production too, broken down into 4 Acts: 1 - chemotherapy, 2 - mastectomy with partial reconstructive surgery, 3 - radiation treatment and 4 - final reconstructive surgery. Right now I completed Act 1 and will be doing Act 2 next month and Act 3 a month later. I am anxious about Act 2, but it's necessary in order to completely remove the tumour as the cancer that I have is at stage 3 and it can't solely be removed through a lumpectomy. Mastectomy is a slightly scary word: in a way it's like an amputation but with the help of reconstructive surgery, that body part can be built again, though it won't really be the same as before. I definitely know that I will be a changed person after this.

Since the cancer news broke, close friends and family have checked in on me frequently to see how I have been doing which I really appreciate. Other people not so much. What surprised me is that people whom I'm not too close to have made more of an effort to reach out. Going through cancer is an isolating journey because most people can't really relate to what you're experiencing unless they've been through it themselves, so I can understand that it can be awkward to talk about. Some people may feel that if you have cancer, you kind of want to be left alone with your privacy or don't have the energy to talk or hang out. That's not always the case. I'm open to talking about having cancer which is why I've written this article so people can get a new perspective, at least from my experience so far.

I hope to officially be cancer-free by my birthday this year which is mid-December. It's a big milestone birthday too, but the real question is, 'what's life going to be like after cancer?' I definitely want to get back to having a career again, and enjoying life as I heal from all of this, and being a voice for people going through cancer as well. I've learned a few new skills during chemo treatment so who knows, maybe I can put that into good use. I really have not had any motivation to do any kind of art during this time, but I want to get back to creating art and writing again. I'm a creative person and feel that being an artist is part of my identity. It's still tough out there, the art and animation world, but hopefully things will change by next year. I always have hope for positive change as my name Amal means 'hope' in Arabic so by default, I have a lifetime supply :)

-Amal Samuel