What is Intimacy?

Let’s expand our definition of intimacy.

The nitty-gritty details include:

Physical intimacy is, of course, an ultimate part of intimacy. People tend to condense intimacy into being only physical, and that you need communication to be intimate, which is a little bit of a simplification. 

The precursor to physical intimacy is super important. Think about dating; we don’t expect to go on a date, meet the date, and go straight to physical intimacy. There is a whole precursor, and it’s there for a reason, which is super important to have a good, satisfying bedroom life.

What is the precursor to physical intimacy?

It’s divided up into 3 phases. It’s not just communication. 

First, it’s the ability to understand what you’re feeling.

Second, to be able to express what you're feeling in an empathic way.

Third, the ability to handle being on a different page from your significant other.

Many people start with their feelings. Many people have trouble knowing what they’re feeling. They can explain all of their thoughts, but they can’t put a feeling to it. It’s super important to be able to name your feeling because when you express yourself, you want to start with the feeling. That way, it’s easier for the other person to hear.

Use the template, “I feel X when you do Y.”

Example: "I was hoping we would go on a trip."

"I was irritated with my co-worker today because of _____."

The ability to express your feeling is what makes it intimate. We don’t express our feelings at work. We don’t express our feelings with people on the street; we don’t express our feelings when someone asks, “how are you doing?” Because it’s not appropriate. Expressing your feelings is supposed to be for your intimate relationship. You’ve got to get comfortable with expressing a feeling.

If your significant other is on a separate page, what do you do?

You have to be comfortable with your significant other being on a different page and not feel threatened by that. Instead, see it as something that needs to be solved together.

The precursor to physical intimacy is super important. It’s divided up into knowing a feeling, expressing a feeling, and being able to deal with your significant other being on a different page.

To learn more, go to www.lauradabney.com.

If you have any questions, give us a call at (757)340-8800.