What ingredients are you missing? At home, at work?

I got to thinking as we were schlepping 30 bags of raised bed garden soil back to the garden area (in what felt like a million degree heat). My thoughts led me to "Whatever you put in, you will get out." Now, that's no real revelation that others haven't written countess books about or given sold out speeches covering. I've seen many of those keynotes and read many of those books. I always felt there was something missing in the content though. I mean, I don't know about you - but I've literally killed myself to try and do something and been completely unsuccessful. I've put grit and determination into trying to make something happen only to have it flop or blow up in my face. Don't get me wrong; I am a huge fan of failure because I love the lessons that come from failing. But I think we spend too much time focused on failing fast and not enough on paving a road that leads to success. Thankfully, I'm resilient and stubborn - two things that keep me pressing for answers and meaning... 

So as I was sweating and digging I was thinking about why the things that I'm doing now have such different outcomes than before. What was MY missing ingredient? I seem to have much greater success these days in things I commit to doing. AND, I'm happier doing those things...what gives? Is it just my age? Did I watch one too many self help videos and decide to settle and "be happy with what I have," even if it's not what I truly want? NO!

What I discovered dripping in sweat and covered in dirt was that there was an ingredient in my actions that was missing in the "old me." And as I planted the last vegetable for the late summer harvest, I realized what was different with everything. It is love. 

The "old me" had a black thumb. Any plant that came within what felt like a mile radius died. I LOVE flowers and spent thousands of dollars at my last home trying to grow them to no avail. I was constantly digging up and replanting absolutely frustrated at the outcome. I wasn't really into the work, I just wanted the flowers. I didn't put time into researching the best water system to nourish the plant. I didn't toil over the best and most organic soil I could buy or how to amend my own soil properly - hell, I didn't even know what "amending soil" meant. 

Then my brain unraveled in thought. All my life, I've been in such a hurry to see the end result, I lost sight of the joy in the journey to get there. I was so hyper focused on ACHIEVE, ACHIEVE, ACHIEVE that I didn't know or remember the glory and glee that came in build, build, build to achieve. I always told my teams "I don't care how you get there, just get there." And while that provided me with some wildly creative teams that met their numbers, I don't know if they were happy doing it, and if I'm honest, I'm not sure I cared then. 

I care now, I care deeply about my team's happiness and I'm so fortunate that many of them have stayed with me for over a decade as I learn, grow and share with them. I'm constantly checking in with them to see how they feel, ensuring that mental health is a focus and happiness should be first and foremost in the environment. That doesn't mean we don't work hard and stay late, it just means we do it with a different ingredient these days. 

Back to the POINT of this article; Love as an ingredient in all you do. 

Here are some things I have changed that might help you not only enjoy what you are doing more, but net better results: 

Change your point of view:  the way I look at problems, the way I look at tasks that I don't like doing has completely transformed. No matter what it is, I try and find an element of the task that brings me joy. Even if it is a task that I find challenging, uninteresting, uncomfortable, etc. I try and find what makes that task worth doing. Will I love the outcome? Will I find joy in how it will make someone feel? Will an uncomfortable conversation help a relationship flourish? I don't know that I even took the time to ask these questions in any of my work previously. I was just doing the task or reaching the goal for the sake of completion. But we all know how that ended right? Trudging along in the monotony of daily life landed me in an over-stressed world in complete dissatisfaction with life and investing in a piece of land with nothing but an old cruddy house on it...that said, the wildest decision I've made has turned out to be the best thing to happen to me, my relationships and my work (see what I did there, I put them in order of importance).

Remove things/tasks that do not fulfill you in any way: This is possible folks. When I have spoken on this topic in the past I have received feedback like "but I have to do it" or "it's a requirement." Is it though? Have you had the conversation to event attempt to remove things from your job or world that don't fulfill you? Many people simply think it can't be done because no one else has done it. Be the first. Try. Ask, have the conversation with your boss about tasks that you know bring joy. That said, be prepared with solutions and alternatives to those tasks. It CAN be done. 

Find gratitude: If there is one muscle I exercise everyday in an effort to get better and better it would be my gratitude muscle. I wake up everyday focused on the 3 things that I am grateful for, 3 things I want to achieve AND 1 thing I like about myself. When I have days where I'm just down on myself (and I have them), I go back and look and find that I was brave, a good friend, genuine, honest, a task master and beyond. Feeling good in your own skin takes work, especially as a woman. Exercise this muscle ladies, it will change you for the better. 

Surround yourself with people who embrace you for you, remove those that don't: I have always had a serious case of FOMO for all things. Even for events and people that didn't ever bring me joy. I wanted to be on every invite list. I wanted to be accepted and liked. I cared TOO much about what people thought of me. I can't tell you that my FOMO is gone for good. But I can tell you by removing or quietly stepping away from people or situations that make you feel like the lesser version of you is a great place to start. If you KNOW that dinner party is going to make you feel bad about yourself, resist the urge to RSVP. If you KNOW a GNO (girls night out) is going to end in conflict, stay home. If you find relationships or friendships have become toxic or reached their full capacity for giving back positively to you, let them go. It doesn't have to be a big dramatic ending, just let go of the rope. Stop hanging on so tight...you'll find the ability to inhale and exhale far easier. THIS I promise. Replace those people and situations with goodness. Join a new group, invite a new friend out to lunch. Breathe NEW LIFE into your world.

Concentrate LESS on failing fast and more on putting your energy into paving a road to success: If any of you have ever white water kayaked or kayaked at all , you'll know that wherever you point your head is where your boat will go. That's wonderful when you're looking down river towards the next eddy to break over to. It's not so great when you're staring directly at the rock you want to miss...YOU WILL HIT IT - it's just what happens. I'm no expert kayaker, but I've done enough to know that you easily pave your way down the river by where you look. Stop planning for all the failures and plan to succeed. Stop building plans that are "failure proof" and just plan for success. Look down your river and go the direction that takes you to the clear blue water at the bottom. It works. 

Add a little love to everything you do: My Mima used to say "leave it better than you found it." By adding an element of love to each task I find that I am far more deliberate. I still go a million miles a minute, but I do try and choose my words carefully and think of others first. I think of what just a little bit of love would do in a situation that seems overwhelming and it changes everything. What could a little love do for you? 

 "Put a little love in your heart." 

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