What is "influence" made of?

One could argue that "leadership is the art of getting work done through others". Influence is one of the key skills that leaders need to have to be successful. Some scholars even "equate leadership itself with influence".

In this article I’m hoping to demystify this key leadership skill, influence, based on the works of Daniel Goleman.

Influence has two key components. Integrity and Empathy.

Empathy

In order to influence others we need to appeal to their self-interest. We need to first think about “What’s in it for them?” and then anticipate the questions they may have.

So to influence someone first we have to understand them. What are their motives and values? What do they care about? To answer these questions we need strong empathy and social awareness. Empathy and social awareness will help us understand what matters to them and will help us to see the world in their perspective.

Here we have to be very careful because if we get it wrong, we will look clueless and will lose their trust.

We can’t think for others and assume what’s in their best interest. We have to genuinely care for the other person’s “needs” and “wants” and see the world through their lens. We can’t think what “I” would need if I were in their shoes. No, we have to think what would “they” need in their own shoes. They are a different person with different values, motives, life experience, and background. We should not project ourselves in their situation but see the world through their lens.

Our perception is our reality and their perception is their reality. So to truly influence, our argument needs to be aligned with their perception and not ours. And the only way to do this is by true empathy coming from the heart. We need to stop thinking about our objective and self-interest for a moment and truly care about their objective and what do they want.

Integrity

Have you ever had a boss who has made promises but not stick to their words? What did that make you feel? A very common tactic when people try to influence each other is not being fully transparent and to disclosing information selectively. These tactics may work in the short term but are disastrous in the long term.

Some people call these methods Machiavellian tactics. Applying these methods will make people feel manipulated and used on the long term. If we use these tactics we are setting ourselves for failure. We are in the 21st century corporate environment, people are smart and soon they will figure out what is happening. Then they will lose trust in us and soon we will become the person who everyone dislikes.

So as leaders we need to make sure we stick to our words, we are transparent, and we don’t provide information selectively. We need to be vigilant in making sure we are not manipulating others and be super careful what we are promising others.

Your opinion matters

What do you think about influence? The best way for learning is engaging in meaningful conversations. The more people we talk to we are exposed to more diverse set of perspectives and we become more open minded. Please write what you think about influence in the comments and we can all learn from each other.

Sources

https://www.keystepmedia.com/shop/influence-primer/#.Xaj2cvWSW71

https://www.keystepmedia.com/influence-cornerstone-effective-leadership/

Special thanks to Matthew Lippincott, Michele Nevarz, James Cassese, and Pierre-Louis "Pili" Christensen